WASHINGTON – In yet another rousing speech from the Senate floor, Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) reiterated the importance of reaching a fiscal cliff deal and stuck to his strategy of placing all the blame for the nation’s difficulties squarely on the shoulders of House Majority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio). The speech began, as so many have before it, with a condemnation of Boehner’s dictatorial, uncompromising partisan stance and his alleged willingness to sacrifice the nation’s economic wellbeing for political gain. Reid then surprised the bored and sulky members of the Senate with a tirade that directly blamed Boehner for, among other things, the Panic of 1837, reckless political infighting that led to the Civil War, Watergate, and even the Bay of Pigs Invasion.

“Clearly, John Boehner is more interested in keeping his speakership than in helping our nation,” Reid smugly intoned in his latest diatribe. “This is exactly the attitude that got us into this mess, just like when John Boehner manipulated cotton tariffs and caused the Panic of 1837. And you would think, after the 1832 Nullification Crisis, again the work of Boehner, that we might have learned! No. And the list goes on.”

Reid then continued to give detailed accounts of John Boenher’s involvement in the XYZ Affair, the War of 1812, Harper’s Ferry, the NYC Draft Riots, and even the Teapot Dome Scandal in 1923. Reid concluded the three hour speech by comparing House Republicans work regarding the Adams era Alien and Sedition Acts with Boehner’s efforts in the internment of Japanese citizens during World War II.

Leaving the podium, he was also heard to add, “oh yeah, and I think it was Boehner who clogged the Senate john before the break too.”