LOS ANGELES — According to sources, both the Hollywood and NASCAR industries plan on spending millions of dollars of taxpayer money from fiscal cliff tax breaks in the most wasteful and unnecessary ways possible.
NASCAR will receive $70 million in tax breaks as a result of the fiscal cliff agreement. Hollywood is getting paid $430 million through “special expensing rules,” allowing movie producers to expense up to $15 million of costs from their movie productions. Hollywood plans on putting the money towards the people who need it the most, the actors.
Warner Bros. is going to be developing flying brooms like the ones from the Harry Potter movies so actors will be able to fly from their trailers to the set. Warner Bros. hopes this added privilege will help influence spoiled movie stars into signing up for their movies. Meanwhile, Paramount Pictures is already in the process of buying the famous Hollywood sign. They have not officially stated what they are doing with the sign, but insiders speculate they will be replacing the sign with a large mural of Transformers director Michael Bay’s face.
The NASCAR loophole in the recent fiscal cliff agreement will cost taxpayers millions of dollars in 2013, but NASCAR claims the money is being put to good use. NASCAR is creating a luxurious bathroom experience for its spectators.
“Starting in 2013 NASCAR will be spending our well deserved tax break money to make fans’ bathroom experience better” said NASCAR spokesman Kerry Tharp. “We are installing new Porta-Potties at every racetrack. They will all have televisions installed with beer and hot dog dispensers. Taxpayers needn’t worry. Their money is going to help NASCAR fans eat more, get drunk quicker, and crap easier.”