NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Subscribe
NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Customer Service
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Sales
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • US

Hoping for Turnaround, Microsoft Names Steve Jobs Its New CEO

  • August 28, 2013
  • News Lo
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

SEATTLE — Less than a week after Steven A. Ballmer’s sudden decision to step down as CEO of Microsoft Corp. within a year, a company search committee announced that they may have found his successor: Steve Jobs, the recently deceased co-founder, chairman, and CEO of Apple Inc.  

“There is never a perfect time for this type of transition, but right now we’re desperate,” Ballmer said in a memo announcing the committee’s interest in Jobs. “The value of Microsoft’s stock has lost 36 percent over my tenure. In that same time, Apple’s stock has increased over 785 percent. Now is the time to think outside of the box if we are to turn this company around, even if that means looking inside Mr. Jobs’s casket.”

Bill Gates, Microsoft’s co-founder and current chairman, noted that “Steve Jobs was never one to let adversity hamper his creativity. Being dead is, without a doubt, a major hurdle, but it’s something that the board of directors is confident Jobs can overcome.”

This is not the first time Microsoft has looked to Apple for direction. In 1998, what was then Apple Computer, Inc. filed a lawsuit against Microsoft, claiming that it had stolen the graphical user interface from the Macintosh. While Apple lost almost all of its claims, many features from the platform continued to appear in various Windows releases.

As CEO of Microsoft, Jobs will be free to continue this trend completely aboveboard—from underground. According to internal documents, Windows 8 may be renamed “Sabertooth Tiger,” the infamous “Blue Screen of Death” will soon feature crisper fonts, and Clippy, the Microsoft Office assistant, will be reintroduced as a spinning beach ball that ignores all commands from the user. Microsoft’s stock rose sharply following the announcement, with many investors agreeing that even a cadaver could run the company better than Ballmer.

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • Microsoft falling apart
  • Microsoft screwed up
  • news humor and satie sj
  • news humor and satire
  • Newsman
  • Satire humor
Avatar of News Lo
News Lo

Welcome to Newslo! Our team of dedicated authors strives to deliver the latest and most important info on finance while infusing a dose of our own style to give you a unique experience. Whether you're looking for in-depth discussions on investments or solid finance tips, we have something for everyone. Our goal is to deliver you the best possible content. So, keep reading our articles and give us your feedback!

Previous Article
  • World

Vatican Announces New Heaven Immigration Bill

  • August 28, 2013
  • News Lo
View Post
Next Article
  • Today's Headlines
  • World

Bank of America Waives ATM Fees for Interns Who Die on the Job

  • August 28, 2013
  • News Lo
View Post
NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Navigating the world of finance, one step at a time.

Input your search keywords and press Enter.