In NYC Mayoral Race, Men Prefer Weiner

NEW YORK — With the race to pick New York’s next mayor becoming thicker by the day, men all across the city have rallied behind disgraced twitter user Anthony Weiner in a man-train of support, boosting the former congressman’s numbers.

Weiner, who resigned from Congress in 2011 after a “sexting scandal,” has generated a new fervor and compassion from males in the City after Weiner stated he “just wants a second chance,” and the sexting incident “was a one-time thing, a couple of times.”

“We’re going to rise to new heights, we’re going to rub out the competition, and we’re just going to plain bend over anyone who stands in the way of victory,” said Mark Kowalski, a supporter of Weiner’s massive campaign. “Frankly, if we keep waving around this kind of clout, there’s no way we can lose.”

Judging by the most recent poll numbers, Weiner is trailing behind City Council Speaker Christine Quinn (D-Manhattan), but only slightly. Minority voters, which constitute the largest of New York’s voting population, seem to be spilt in terms of voting, giving no real backing to either Quinn or Weiner, as of yet.

“We’re not worried, the numbers are skewed,” Kowalski continued. “Hell, by morning, wouldn’t it be nice if they published some accurate poll numbers?

Weiner’s run has raised some interesting questions on the political front, including those of the former congressman’s intensions; though Weiner had a “Keys to the City” plan back in his 2005 Mayoral race, there seems to be no concrete set plan of action in place if he is elected.

If, or even when, another photo from Weiner’s sexting days surfaces, even forgiving and inventive New Yorkers may not be so kind to his young campaign.

“Weiner is just a delight. I love to be around him!” said a local Chelsea resident. “So he tweeted his junk to some girl. Hasn’t everyone? I’d be hard-pressed alongside Weiner to try and find someone else who hasn’t done something illicit in the government.”

Christine Quinn, on the other hand, has garnered much support for her ‘Girl for Girl’ campaign, a motto that has both built on her sexual affiliation and her female empowerment promises. Quinn retains an overall lead against Weiner in terms of the female vote.

In a speech at Carnegie Hall, Quinn promised to shake clean the carpets of City Hall’s corruption and lift the curtains of secrecy over financial practices and pork barrel spending. Quinn also swore to lick Weiner so hard, “he wouldn’t know what hit him.”