NEW YORK — According to a popular article circulating social media websites, an independent study has definitively found flu vaccines to make old people confused and infertile.
The article, featured on a website riddled with noisy pop-ups and links to conspiracy theorist forums, confirms that all three of the elderly people acting as subjects in the study were unable to solve a series of word puzzles or have children.
“Two weeks ago, our test subjects were vaccinated against influenza,” said head researcher Stewart Bishop. “As of today, every single one is easily frightened by loud noises and unable to produce viable offspring. These conclusive findings render all previous studies on the efficacy of vaccination obsolete.”
According to Norma Wertheim, an 89-year-old test subject whom researchers believe to be almost certainly barren, “My father’s bugle has brittle hairs.”
