US Cuts Off Internet Access In North Korea: “That Fat Commy Prick Will Browse Porn No More!”

“Fox News/Associated Press – On Monday, North Korea experienced a massive Internet outage. Certain web watchers and researches are speculating that a cyber-attack may have caused interruptions in the country’s online connections.

“The Internet outage is seen less than a week after the US vowed an unspecified response to a massive hacking attack against Sony Pictures Entertainment over the release of the comedy film “The Interview.” Because of the fact that the assassination of the North Korean leader Kim Jong Un is what the plot of the comedy centers on, there is widespread speculation that the attack on Sony was done by North Korean hackers.

“The FBI publicly blamed North Korea in the incident late last week, even though Pyongyang has categorically denied any and every involvement.

“The State Department and the White House both declined to say whether the US government had any role in North Korea’s Internet problems.

“On Friday, President Obama stated that the US government expected to respond “proportionately” to the hacking of Sony Pictures Entertainment Inc. He described the hacking as an expensive act of “cyber vandalism”, which he blamed on North Korea.

However, on Monday, Obama went against the decision of the White House and the State Department for some reason, and decided to “fire at will” at the press.

“The greatest thing about America is the amount of liberty it gives to each and every one of its citizens. Everybody knows that. And to mess with the civil liberties of Americans, especially when those Americans have done nothing wrong to anyone means messing with the very essence of what makes this country great. It simply will not be tolerated!”, Obama almost yelled at the press conference.

“Let it be known from now on – you mess with our liberty, we take away your porn! Let’s see Kim Jong Un last for more than a month with nowhere to browse “midget porn”. I’ve personally sanctioned this move in accordance with experts from the Pentagon. It’s partly because they feel it’s a good tactic, and honestly, partly because I’m itching for some payback. We’re expecting him to surrender pretty quickly”, Obama concluded in a somewhat more serene tone.