Citing WMD Concerns, McCain Urges Obama to Re-Invade Iraq

WASHINGTON – Calling the recent turmoil in Iraq “one of the most serious threats to American security in recent history,” Sen. John McCain urged President Barack Obamato re-invade the war-ravaged nation before “weapons of mass destruction find their way into the ISIS terrorist group’s hands.”

McCain was referring to the Sunni extremist group, the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria, an al-Qaida splinter organization that has been wreaking deadly havoc in the cities of Tikrit and Mosul along their planned march into Baghdad.

“I have it on good authority that these extremists have ready access to a dangerous stockpile of chemical and biological agents,” the Arizona senator said, refusing to divulge the name of his “foolproof” source. “It’s a human being with eyes, ears, and a nose. This person also has brown hair and works in the government. For security purposes, that’s all I can share.”

McCain went on to explain that ISIS has been in repeated contact with the Iraqi government, which has been developing weapons since Obama withdrew troops from the nation in 2011.

“Thanks to President Obama, Iraq’s government has become volatile and corrupt, and now it’s in bed with terrorists,” McCain continued. “We must reestablish order there, and it starts with overthrowing Saddam Hussein’s regime.”

After an aide whispered into his ear, the senator added, “And by Saddam Hussein, I obviously meant Nouri al-Maliki.”

When asked to provide specifics of which WMDs the Iraqi government might provide to ISIS, McCain gave an elusive response. “Mustard gas and basically whatever else Iraq had in 2003.”

One certainty in the Arizona senator’s mind is that Obama, no matter what decision he makes regarding Iraq, should fire his national-security staff and replace it with the likes of General David Petraeus, who commanded the U.S. forces in Iraq until 2008.

“Or, if the president really wants to send a message to the Middle East, he could hire someone like Donald Rumsfeld. We could use more guys like him on the team.”