NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Sales
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
    • Life Insurance
    • Pet Insurance
    • Renters Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • World

Israel, Palestine Talk Peace for 12 Seconds, Resume Hating Each Other

  • July 29, 2013
  • NewsLo
  • No comments
  • 2 minute read
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

WASHINGTON — The recent agreement between Israelis and Palestinians to commence peace talks for the first time in three years represented a step, however slight, toward improving the contentious relationship between the two sides. But that hope quickly fell by the wayside when, immediately upon arriving at the meeting, Palestinian President Abbas called Israel Prime Minister Netanyahu a “botched circumcision.”

“That was not the start we had hoped for,” said John Kerry, who led the charge toward peace talks between the two sides. “I really had high hopes for this round of discussions, but alas, they went to shit as usual.”

The last example of real Israeli-Palestinian peace progress occurred in 2008, when the sides agreed to an Israel-Hamas ceasefire. But even that agreement disintegrated, eventually leading to the Gaza War.

“Honestly, at this point – fuck it,” said a downtrodden Kerry. “We’re at the point now where they can’t even talk for more than 12 seconds. And, to be fair, 12 seconds is generous. It was more like a 6-second meeting if you don’t include the time it took the translator to translate ‘botched circumcision’ from Arabic to Hebrew.”

Netanyahu views the failed talks, which some pundits believed would last as long as nine months, as the final nail in the coffin. “That’s it. I’m done with them,” said the distressed prime minister. “I came in with an open mind, ready to meet their demands, and what does Abbas do? He insults me.” After a long pause Netanyahu dabbed his eye with a tissue. “God, he is such a meanie.”

Meanwhile, Abbas vehemently defended his remark. “Of course the Western press will paint me as the bad guy,” said Abbas. “Tell me, why has no one reported that he sent me a letter prior to our meeting in Washington to stir up my emotions?” Abbas subsequently pulled out a letter which read “Eat Shit, Palestine.” “Now who is the bad guy?” he inquired.

When asked why he flew all the way to Washington, D.C. if he knew he would simply sabotage the negotiations to get back at Netanyahu, Abbas grinned. “I wanted to see him squirm in person,” he admitted.

Abbas, like Netanyahu, sees no prospects for future peace talks. “Maybe if Netanyahu issues a formal apology,” started Abbas, “but until then, it’s back to hating the shit out of Israel for this guy.”

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • Abbas and Netanyahu
  • fighting in the middle east
  • Israel Palestine conflict
  • Israel-Palestine
  • news humor and satire
NewsLo

Previous Article
#NoNeedToSatirize: Conservative Christian group blames falling SAT scores on lack of school prayer 1
  • NoNeedToSatirize

#NoNeedToSatirize: Conservative Christian group blames falling SAT scores on lack of school prayer

  • July 28, 2013
  • NewsLo
View Post
Next Article
Vince Young’s Possessions Seek Free Agent Status 2
  • Sports
  • Today's Headlines

Vince Young’s Possessions Seek Free Agent Status

  • July 29, 2013
  • NewsLo
View Post
You May Also Like
donald trump north korea
View Post
  • Featured
  • Latest Lies
  • World
  • World Feature

Donald Trump Promises To Stop “The Crazy Muslims From North Korea”

  • NewsLo
  • September 3, 2017
Trump Announces U.S.-Russia Cyber Security Unit: “Together We’ll Control The World Like In The Good, Old Cold War Days And Make America Great Again” 3
View Post
  • Featured
  • World
  • World Feature

Trump Announces U.S.-Russia Cyber Security Unit: “Together We’ll Control The World Like In The Good, Old Cold War Days And Make America Great Again”

  • NewsLo
  • July 10, 2017
Kushner Attacks Paris Climate Agreement: “Why Should We Care About What Happens To Paris, We’re In The USA” 4
View Post
  • Featured
  • World
  • World Feature

Kushner Attacks Paris Climate Agreement: “Why Should We Care About What Happens To Paris, We’re In The USA”

  • NewsLo
  • July 6, 2017
donald trump north korea
View Post
  • Featured
  • World
  • World Feature

Trump Claims He Built The Panama Canal “To Make America Great Again”

  • NewsLo
  • June 20, 2017
Trump: “Only A Frenchie Can Dismiss Protocol And Try Stupid Macho Games” 5
View Post
  • Featured
  • World
  • World Feature

Trump: “Only A Frenchie Can Dismiss Protocol And Try Stupid Macho Games”

  • NewsLo
  • May 29, 2017
Trump Warns Arabs To Leave “Holy European Land Of Israel” Alone And “Go Back To Asia” 6
View Post
  • Featured
  • World
  • World Feature

Trump Warns Arabs To Leave “Holy European Land Of Israel” Alone And “Go Back To Asia”

  • NewsLo
  • May 23, 2017
Hot Mic Catches Netanyahu’s Wife Reassuring Trump: “We And The Russians Love You No Matter What The Media Says” 7
View Post
  • Featured
  • World
  • World Feature

Hot Mic Catches Netanyahu’s Wife Reassuring Trump: “We And The Russians Love You No Matter What The Media Says”

  • NewsLo
  • May 22, 2017
Trump: “The Importance Of Saying ‘Radical Islamic Terror’ Back Then Was Only Because We Had A Suspected Islamic President” 8
View Post
  • Featured
  • World
  • World Feature

Trump: “The Importance Of Saying ‘Radical Islamic Terror’ Back Then Was Only Because We Had A Suspected Islamic President”

  • NewsLo
  • May 21, 2017

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy

Input your search keywords and press Enter.