NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Sales
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
    • Life Insurance
    • Pet Insurance
    • Renters Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • Today's Headlines
  • World

Israel to Build New Settlements Directly On Top of Palestinians

  • August 20, 2013
  • NewsLo
  • No comments
  • 2 minute read
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

JERUSALEM — Peace negotiations between Israeli and Palestinian leaders resumed on Wednesday after three years of tense impasse, but Palestinians were reportedly uneasy after Israel released plans to build twelve hundred new settlement homes all over the “spacious, suburban” faces, heads and bodies of West Bank and East Jerusalem residents.

“When Israel approves construction plans like these, especially on the eve of peace talks, one cannot help but question their sincerity,” said Palestinian chief negotiator Saeb Erekat. “The viability of the two-state solution depends on Israel recognizing that, frankly, the majority of Palestinians do not wish to be covered in apartment buildings filled with Jews.”

Israeli Housing Minister Uri Ariel declared that the Palestinian outcry was baseless, and that “no country in the world would take orders on where it could build its homes.”

“Any nation can build any number of houses wherever it wants, and to do so is a fundamental right,” said Ariel. “In addition to building houses on top of Palestinians, plans are underway to build Jewish settlements on clouds, in the middle of the Arby’s parking lot, on Sesame Street, and inside various types of medium-to-large melons. To claim that any of these should not be pursued for any reason is blatant anti-Semitism.”

Some commentators have suggested that the settlement plans may be a concession to far-right groups in Israel, who took umbrage with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s release of twenty-six Palestinian prisoners as part of the negotiation process.

“They’re all yours,” said Netanyahu. “Now you get build whatever you want on top of these guys. Have fun.”

International law has long held that Israel’s settlements in occupied Palestinian territory are illegal, although Israel  has argued otherwise. U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry, who brokered the negotiations, stated that the news of Israel’s continued settlement plans was “to some degree expected” and admonished Palestinians “not to react adversely.”

“They built a house on top of me when I fought in Vietnam, but did I complain? No, I didn’t. Did I give up? No. I’ll tell you what I did. I moved into that house. I just moved right on in,” rambled Kerry to empty space, while a team of aides looked on apprehensively. “And you know what that house is called today? That’s right: the White House.” Kerry then applauded himself for fifteen consecutive minutes before taking a break for “snacks” and “Gameboy Advance.”

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • Ben Netanyahu
  • Israel's new settlements
  • New settlements
  • news humor and satire
  • news satire and humors
NewsLo

Previous Article
#NoNeedToSatirize: Radio hosts: Gay Boy Scouts will get merit badges for sodomy, incest and cannibalism 1
  • NoNeedToSatirize
  • Today's Headlines

#NoNeedToSatirize: Radio hosts: Gay Boy Scouts will get merit badges for sodomy, incest and cannibalism

  • August 20, 2013
  • NewsLo
View Post
Next Article
Alabama Constitution Calls for Integration Just 60 years after Supreme Court Ruling 2
  • Today's Headlines
  • US

Alabama Constitution Calls for Integration Just 60 years after Supreme Court Ruling

  • August 20, 2013
  • NewsLo
View Post
You May Also Like
donald trump north korea
View Post
  • Featured
  • Latest Lies
  • World
  • World Feature

Donald Trump Promises To Stop “The Crazy Muslims From North Korea”

  • NewsLo
  • September 3, 2017
Trump Announces U.S.-Russia Cyber Security Unit: “Together We’ll Control The World Like In The Good, Old Cold War Days And Make America Great Again” 3
View Post
  • Featured
  • World
  • World Feature

Trump Announces U.S.-Russia Cyber Security Unit: “Together We’ll Control The World Like In The Good, Old Cold War Days And Make America Great Again”

  • NewsLo
  • July 10, 2017
Trump Compares Ivanka To Syrian Children: “She’s Also Suffered A Lot As My Daughter, Had To Move Between Countries All The Time Just Like Them” 4
View Post
  • US
  • Latest Lies
  • Today's Headlines
  • US-Feature

Trump Compares Ivanka To Syrian Children: “She’s Also Suffered A Lot As My Daughter, Had To Move Between Countries All The Time Just Like Them”

  • NewsLo
  • July 9, 2017
Kushner Attacks Paris Climate Agreement: “Why Should We Care About What Happens To Paris, We’re In The USA” 5
View Post
  • Featured
  • World
  • World Feature

Kushner Attacks Paris Climate Agreement: “Why Should We Care About What Happens To Paris, We’re In The USA”

  • NewsLo
  • July 6, 2017
Spicer: “Trump Has The Legal Right To Cancel SCOTUS Because They Serve At His Pleasure” 6
View Post
  • Featured
  • Latest Lies
  • Today's Headlines

Spicer: “Trump Has The Legal Right To Cancel SCOTUS Because They Serve At His Pleasure”

  • NewsLo
  • June 20, 2017
donald trump north korea
View Post
  • Featured
  • World
  • World Feature

Trump Claims He Built The Panama Canal “To Make America Great Again”

  • NewsLo
  • June 20, 2017
John Hagee Calls For “Prosecuting Women Who Say God’s Name During Intercourse” 7
View Post
  • Religion
  • Today's Headlines
  • US

John Hagee Calls For “Prosecuting Women Who Say God’s Name During Intercourse”

  • NewsLo
  • June 15, 2017
Trump’s Lawyer Said President Made A Mistake By Firing Comey Because “As The Commander In Chief, He Could Arrested And Jailed Him Forever” 8
View Post
  • US
  • Politics
  • Politics-Feature
  • Today's Headlines
  • US-Feature

Trump’s Lawyer Said President Made A Mistake By Firing Comey Because “As The Commander In Chief, He Could Arrested And Jailed Him Forever”

  • NewsLo
  • June 10, 2017

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy

Input your search keywords and press Enter.