Jesus Injures Brady’s Leg in Practice; Tebow Still Unlikely to Play

FOXBORO, Mass. — Patriot fans are still holding their breath following an apparent injury to quarterback Tom Brady’s knee during a joint practice with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers Wednesday. Video of the incident showed Bucs defensive lineman Adrian Clayborn push Patriots offensive lineman Nate Solder into Brady’s leg just after Brady’s pass, causing the two-time MVP to go down and grab his leg. While Brady ended his afternoon early, initial reports suggest Brady’s injury is not serious. Nevertheless, Pastor Mac Brunson of the First Baptist Church in Jacksonville, Florida stepped forward to announce that the incident is “unmistakable proof” that Brady is no longer the favored son of the Lord God, and backup Tim Tebow must be returned to his “rightful place” at starting quarterback.

“The fact that this injury occurred on Tebow’s birthday is all the necessary evidence we need to declare that God’s messenger on this earth is no longer Tom Brady, but Tim Tebow,” said Pastor Brunson. “God has struck down Brady and intends for Tebow to take his place. The Patriots organization can either accept this and prosper, or continue to suffer misfortune and injury if it insists on putting the Unclean One under center,”

“The Lord hath spoken,” Brunson added.

The announcement should come as a relief to Tebow supporters. Patriots coach Bill Belichick recently refused to comment on whether Tebow would be on the final 53-man roster. In his first preseason game, Tebow completed four of 12 passes for 55 yards and was sacked three times.

“Obviously, I’m very excited about the opportunity,” Tebow told reporters shortly after the announcement. “Jesus didn’t mention anything about my football future when I spoke with Him last week, but this is as good a sign as any. I can only assume that the last two Patriot Super Bowl losses were God’s will too. It makes me wonder if Bernard Pollard was really one of God’s angels in disguise.”

While Brunson was silent on whether Tebow’s new place on high would improve his on-the-field performance, they did confirm that Belichick’s coaching success would continue until he is defeated by the Messiah and sent to Hell following the Battle of Armageddon.