WASHINGTON — Vice President Joe Biden is one fellatio away from surpassing Bill Clinton as the nation’s most popular living politician, according to a new Gallup poll.
When asked how he could increase his popularity, more than 70% of respondents said Biden should publicize the last time he received oral sex. The pollsters suggest that, since married women generally do not perform oral sex, Biden has to receive fellatio in an extramarital affair to gain ground on Clinton. Participants further specified that receiving oral sex from a 20-year-old intern would garner more popularity points than receiving oral sex from a 50-year-old donor.
President Clinton is not fazed by the study’s findings. “First of all,” stated Clinton, “Monica isn’t the only intern that blew me. Plus, I’ve got video from my week at the Playboy Mansion and two trips to Thailand that will keep me in the number one spot for eternity.”
The study took two weeks to conduct and polled over 50,000 people across the country on three questions: Who are the two most popular living politicians in America? Why are they popular? And how can the second most popular politician become the most popular? Participants were also given a free response section where they could express their opinions of politicians’ popularity.
“It’s time that somebody raises the bar in political sex scandals,” said one participant. “Clinton set the standard back in the 90s, but it hasn’t progressed since then. The fact that we see naked male politicians all the time and haven’t seen one naked female politician or a hot sex tape proves that this government is out of touch with the people.”
