Bloggers Claim John McCain Named 1996’s Sexiest Caliph, Rand Paul Weighs in


New York-For the last few months it’s been reported, in a plethora of conspiratorial blogs based in the United States, that Senator John McCain (R-AZ) is not only part of ISIS, but had been named the Muslim World’s Sexiest Caliph in 1996. Despite McCain calling the rumors “unsubstantiated and absolutely ridiculous” questions about his involvement with the putative pageant continue to hound him.

McCain has spent a great deal of the last few months attempting to discredit rumors that he not only helped start ISIS, but is bedmates with the groups leader. The rumors were originated by a number of pictures McCain-some of which he shared on his twitter account-posed for with members of the Free Syrian Army. In the photos many of the bloggers have claimed that a  man in the background  looks suspiciously similar too ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghadadi. Though the only proof that’s been offered anent McCain’s involvement with ISIS has been the photos Mccain posted on his twitter, and other doctored photos, the rumors continue to persist.

On Monday the website, published photos of the senator dressed in the traditional garb of a Caliph, holding a bouquet of assorted flowers, and posing on stage in front of a giant curtain that reads “Mr. Muslim World’s Sexiest Caliph 1996”.

Mccain, speaking earlier today, said of the new photo, “That’s… Do I even need to respond to questions about something so absurd? I’m a war hero damnit! Not some dizzy pageant contestant.”

Mccain went on to point out that he had been one of the first, and loudest, advocates for military strikes against ISIS. Still the rumors have yet to lose any weight, with Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) saying Tuesday that McCain did in fact meet and take photos with ISIS, he just wasn’t aware that he was doing it.

“The facts of the matter are this.” said Paul, sporting dockers and a black T-shirt with a bicep flexed in the middle and the slogan “Ayn Rand Strong” above, “John Mccain not only took photos with ISIS, as anyone with an internet connection can tell you, but he was in fact named the sexiest Caliph of 1996. Now is that because he supports ISIS or Muslim terrorists? Of course not. Senator Mccain is a very vain man, and the fact is with that huge bump in his cheek he wasn’t beating out George Clooney here. So what he do? He grew a beard and entered himself in a Caliph pageant. He may not be the best looking fella here, but in the Muslim world, where they’re all ugly, he’s a knockout! Can we really blame the guy for wanting to raise his confidence a little bit? Who doesn’t want to feel handsome every now and then? Hell when he took those photos with ISIS he thought they were fans of his pageant win, nothing more.”

In response to Rand Paul’s claims, which have only added strength to the rumors, McCain’s staff released the following statement earlier today:

“Senator Paul has a tendency to speak on issues he’s only researched using his Google search bar. In short, please ignore him, for the sake of posterity, just plug up your ears and cover your eyes when he starts to talk.”