NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Sales
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
    • Life Insurance
    • Pet Insurance
    • Renters Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • Politics

Karl Rove Wakes Up On Wrong Side of History

  • May 21, 2013
  • NewsLo
  • 2 comments
  • 2 minute read
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

WASHINGTON — Karl Rove woke up Monday morning, to his extreme disappointment, on the wrong side of history.

Pundits and opponents of his tenure as the shadowy puppet master and White House Chief of Staff during the Bush presidency long warned Rove that he would wind up on the wrong side of history, and on Monday, finally, it happened.

Sometime Sunday night, while Rove was sleeping, the change occured. “Who can pinpoint the exact moment? I guess I’m just glad I slept through it,” said Rove.

“That’s probably the last good night of sleep I’m going to get.”

Rove, 62, spent much of the aughts as the architect behind everything opponents hated about the George W. Bush presidency—from the erosion of personal libertiesto the wars in both Iraq and Afghanistan.

Thos wars, which Rove helped mastermind, have devolved into chaos and have failed to achieve their stated goal of curbing terrorism and spreading democracy.

On Monday alone, a suicide bomber killed 14 in Afghanistan, a series of car bombs in Baghdad killed at least 48 and injured 170, the bodies of five kidnapped Iraqi policemen were discovered, and ten Iraqi policemen were gunned down in a firefight in the Anbar province.

“Man, I was positive that the citizens of these countries needed a lethal injection of democracy,” Rove said after hearing the news.

Muhammed Khamis Abu Risha, a fugitive former member of the Sunni Awakening in Iraq, said of Monday’s attacks, “The protest is not peaceful anymore and we are ready for them. The coming days will not pass peacefully. We don’t want democracy anymore.”

After being read the quote, Rove commented, “Well, there you go.”

After  the Bush presidency, Rove founded the ironically-named Conservative Victory Project, a political action committee (PAC) that accidentally funded the defeat of many conservative politicians in the 2012 election.

“The hope was that we’d rule forever and the Citizens United ruling really made it seem like we’d have everything we wanted,” said Rove. “With Pepsi opening its first plant in Afghanistan in 2014, it appeared that democracy in Afghanistan was as vibrant and healthy shape as Jim Fixx.”

“Everything seemed like it would go our way. Romney, the wars, you know, everything. I mean, we spent so much money on the election, how could we lose?”

“History is a harsh mistress,” Rove, a husk of the man he was yesterday, added.

Rove is uncertain how he’ll continue to live with himself now that the ruling from history has been handed down.

“I don’t know what the future holds. I’m feeling a little listless, like I could curl up into a little ball in a cold shower and cry myself to sleep forever and ever.”

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • Bush and Rove
  • Karl Rove
  • Karl Rove did
  • Karl Rove's past
  • news humor
  • news humor and satire
NewsLo

Previous Article
Illinois Bans Flash Mobs, Deny They Fucking Hate ‘Improv Everywhere’ 1
  • US

Illinois Bans Flash Mobs, Deny They Fucking Hate ‘Improv Everywhere’

  • May 21, 2013
  • NewsLo
View Post
Next Article
Conservatives Elated to Be Proven Right about Evil Big Government 2
  • Politics

Conservatives Elated to Be Proven Right about Evil Big Government

  • May 21, 2013
  • NewsLo
View Post
You May Also Like
fun safety meeting ideas
View Post
  • Politics

Best 4 Fun Safety Meeting Ideas to Engage Everyone on Safety Topics

  • NewsLo
  • March 8, 2020
what do politicians do
View Post
  • Politics

What Do Politicians Do and Where Does Their Money Come From?

  • NewsLo
  • February 29, 2020
ted cruz religion refugees
View Post
  • Featured
  • Politics
  • US
  • US-Feature

Ted Cruz News: “Helping Texans Is Not Like Helping New Orleans, Hurricane Sandy Was Righteous”

  • NewsLo
  • August 28, 2017
Taxes in Kansas Republican’s Bill Aims To Ban Women From Wearing Colorful Skirts Because “People Are Genuinely Mistaking Them For Trans-People” 3
View Post
  • Featured
  • Politics
  • Politics-Feature

Taxes in Kansas Republican’s Bill Aims To Ban Women From Wearing Colorful Skirts Because “People Are Genuinely Mistaking Them For Trans-People”

  • NewsLo
  • July 15, 2017
Trump Attacks Buzz Aldrin Back: “It Was All Fake News, There’s No Proof That Man Ever Came Close To The Moon” 4
View Post
  • Featured
  • Politics
  • Politics-Feature

Trump Attacks Buzz Aldrin Back: “It Was All Fake News, There’s No Proof That Man Ever Came Close To The Moon”

  • NewsLo
  • July 4, 2017
Eric Trump: “Nepotism Is How Americans Repay My Father For The Pro-Bono Work He’s Doing As President” 5
View Post
  • Politics-Feature
  • Politics

Eric Trump: “Nepotism Is How Americans Repay My Father For The Pro-Bono Work He’s Doing As President”

  • NewsLo
  • June 28, 2017
Paul Ryan: “22 Million Americans Choose To Be Poor, So It’s Their Own Problem If They Can’t Afford To Be Healthy” 6
View Post
  • Politics
  • Featured
  • Latest Lies
  • Politics-Feature

Paul Ryan: “22 Million Americans Choose To Be Poor, So It’s Their Own Problem If They Can’t Afford To Be Healthy”

  • NewsLo
  • June 28, 2017
Sheriff Clarke Says He Rescinded His Homeland Security Job “Because I Wouldn’t Be Allowed To Wear My Hat On Duty And I Prefer To Be The New FBI Head Anyway” 7
View Post
  • Featured
  • Politics
  • Politics-Feature

Sheriff Clarke Says He Rescinded His Homeland Security Job “Because I Wouldn’t Be Allowed To Wear My Hat On Duty And I Prefer To Be The New FBI Head Anyway”

  • NewsLo
  • June 19, 2017
2 comments
  1. Irwin B. Platzner says:
    May 21, 2013 at 7:47 pm

    Great satire!!! 🙂 Sharing on The Platzner Post Facebook facebook.com/ThePlatznerPost ,and Twitter https://twitter.com/ThePlatznerPost

    Log in to Reply
  2. Dustin Luke Nelson says:
    May 22, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    Thanks!

    Log in to Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy

Input your search keywords and press Enter.