NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Sales
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
    • Life Insurance
    • Pet Insurance
    • Renters Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • Blogs

Kate Middleton’s Pregnancy As Viewed by a Syrian Refugee

  • July 22, 2013
  • NewsLo
  • No comments
  • 2 minute read
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

Lately, it seems like all I do is wait around—for food, for water, for a chance to return to what little is left of my home. But mostly I wait around for—you guessed it!—the birth of the royal baby.

Yes, we here in Jordan, at the Zaatari Refugee camp—just eight miles from the Syrian border, close enough to smell the artillery rounds turning our countrymen to ash—are just as rapt as the rest of the world. Sure, we’ve got some troubles here—but who’s got the time to worry about starving when Kate Middleton is days overdue?

Speaking of: How long will she torture us like this!? I’m getting more and more anxious every day! (Seriously, I feel sick, and it’s not just that my dried, pre-cooked food rations are dangerously low on nutrients).  Lately, my main worry is that the media are camped outside the wrong hospital.  Sheesh people, what if the baby is born in Reading instead of London?! Have you lost your minds? What, you expect the public to settle for extended, static shots of the wrong hospital’s façade? You might as well film my house, and my house is a tent.

Some of the refugees here have taken to placing bets on the baby’s gender and name (just like the British!), probably because it’s a convenient distraction from the fact that more than 100,000 of our fellow-Syrians have been slaughtered since the civil war began. Personally, I think betting on something as beautiful and earth shattering as the birth of a royal is profane—but hey, that’s just me. I also don’t like rioting—and that’s pretty popular here, too.

You might be wondering: Why am I not upset that everyone’s paying more attention to Kate Middleton’s pregnancy than the plight of Syrian refugees? Well, isn’t it obvious? Kate and people like me are basically soul-mates. Both of us were suddenly plucked from the only life we knew and forced into a completely foreign existence. (Sure—she went from upper middle class comfort to the opulent life of a princess, whereas I went from poor to really poor; and the pressure she’s under is mostly from the media, whereas mine stems from having half my family killed—but these differences are mostly semantic). I feel like Kate really understands me—even though I can’t quite imagine getting my picture taken as often as she does, since most photographers have only documented this camp from helicopters. (Believe me, you’d do the same).

When it comes down to it, I just hope that a team of world’s best doctors are attending to Kate’s every need. Maybe if the baby is born soon, a couple of them could head this way? Please?

You’ll excuse me if I sign-off now. All 120,000 of my campmates just went BM, and the place stinks to high-heaven. Makes me wonder: Do you think William is ready for diaper-changing duty? I bet not!!

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • Kate Middleton
  • Kate Middleton pregnant
  • Kate Middleton's baby
  • Kate Middleton's pregnancy
  • Syrian refugee
NewsLo

Previous Article
#NoNeedToSatirize: Limbaugh: ‘It’s preposterous that Caucasians are blamed for slavery’ 1
  • NoNeedToSatirize

#NoNeedToSatirize: Limbaugh: ‘It’s preposterous that Caucasians are blamed for slavery’

  • July 22, 2013
  • NewsLo
View Post
Next Article
#NoNeedToSatirize: GOP chairman: I don’t really care for the word tolerance 2
  • NoNeedToSatirize

#NoNeedToSatirize: GOP chairman: I don’t really care for the word tolerance

  • July 23, 2013
  • NewsLo
View Post
You May Also Like
how to make money while traveling
View Post
  • Blogs

Proven Ways on How to Make Money While Traveling Full-Time

  • NewsLo
  • August 31, 2019
View Post
  • Blogs
  • Blogs Feature

The Right to Keep and Bear Arms Law in the United States

  • NewsLo
  • April 12, 2018
Toys R Us app
View Post
  • Blogs
  • Blogger's Corner

Can the New Toys R Us App Save The Company from Total Annihilation?

  • NewsLo
  • October 9, 2017
donald trump crazy tweets
View Post
  • Blogs Feature
  • Blogs
  • Featured

Donald Trump Defeat His Own Crazy Tweets: “There Is No Way I Wrote Them My Self”

  • NewsLo
  • August 16, 2017
pilot app
View Post
  • Blogs

Pilot App and the Rise of Online Immersive Experiences

  • NewsLo
  • July 21, 2017
political jargon
View Post
  • Blogs
  • Blogger's Corner

Political Jargon: How to Lighten up the Monotony in 2017

  • NewsLo
  • June 29, 2017
View Post
  • Blogs

4D Planning is a growing planning consultancy and architecture practise in London and Manchester

  • NewsLo
  • December 25, 2016
View Post
  • Blogs

4 Main Reasons Why Many Traders Make a Loss

  • NewsLo
  • October 24, 2016

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy

Input your search keywords and press Enter.