LOS ANGELES—Pau Gasol has torn the plantar fascia of his right foot—an unfortunate accident that sources have revealed wasn’t really an accident at all, but rather an inconspicuous assault designed by head coach and Gasol nemesis, Mike D’Antoni.
Newslo conducted an exclusive interview with Lakers’ forward, Metta World Peace yesterday afternoon over biscuits and bourbon regarding the onset and exponential worsening of the injury. The injury had been nagging Gasol for some time before the fascia was actually torn.
“Mike just kept asking me to give Pau foot rubs after practice. He told me it would be therapeutic. He told me Kobe said it was okay.” World Peace formerly known as Ron Artest said.
D’Antoni allegedly told World Peace to channel Ron Artest into Pau’s plantar fascia, explaining that the process would rid World Peace of his former demonic identity and soothe Gasol’s foot.
“Man, I didn’t know it was going to be like this,” World Peace said, looking into his lap. “What if Kobe gets mad at me?”
Despite World Peace’s distress over the matter, D’Antoni has remained cool and positive. In a post-game interview after the Lakers defeated the Brooklyn Nets despite Gasol’s injury, D’Antoni wasted no time acknowledging the potential effect of the injury for the Lakers.
When asked how the team would address the loss of a key player, he responded, “When things like this happen, spontaneous injuries and such, you find the silver lining. The silver lining here is that Pau and I have finally found a way to coexist in Los Angeles.”
D’Antoni, known for his small-offense savvy, had tried to turn Gasol into a stretch forward and sixth man before finally finding an effective place for him in the lineup on Tuesday.
“I’m really looking forward to this opportunity,” D’Antoni said. “I think I can confidently say my job in Los Angeles will be safe for another 6-8 weeks.”