Lawyers: Trayvon Martin Stole Last Slice of Birthday Cake, Was All-Around ‘Bad Seed’

MIAMI — Lawyers representing George Zimmerman — who is currently on trial for second-degree murder in the killing of Trayvon Martin — are seeking to introduce new evidence they say will show that Martin was a “bad seed.” According to the defense, the evidence will prove that their client was justified in gunning down the unarmed teen, and includes eyewitness testimony indicating that Martin once ate the last slice of another child’s birthday cake, among other “heinous acts.”

On Tuesday, Judge Debra Steinberg Nelson, presiding over Zimmerman’s trial, rejected a number of defense motions that sought to introduce evidence—including pictures and text posted online—meant to portray Martin as a drug-user with aggressive tendencies. Zimmerman’s defense team called the ruling “unfair, and totally stupid,” and immediately announced plans to introduced “even newer” evidence.

“We will show that Trayvon Martin’s antisocial tendencies stretch back nearly to the womb,” lead defense attorney Mark O’Mara told reporters. “We have an eyewitness who in 1999 saw Martin, with little or no remorse, eat the last piece of another child’s birthday cake. Another witness will testify that Martin once successfully blamed a fart on his brother, and only owned up to it years later. This kind of monstrous behavior shows that our client was right to fear for his life.”

Prosecutors in the case responded to the defense by saying that “this evidence is just as irrelevant as the stuff that Judge Nelson threw out yesterday. Many kids smoke weed or give cameras the middle finger, and almost all of them blame their siblings for their flatulence—it doesn’t mean they deserve to die.”

“OK, well how ’bout this,” O’Mara retorted in a press release. “We can show that in December 2001, Trayvon Martin discovered the ‘Christmas present closet’ in his home, unwrapped several presents to see what he was getting, and then covered up his crime by rewrapping the presents. With a childhood like that, he was simply a murder away from being a murderer.”