Sen. Lindsey Graham Promises if Elected President No Erect Penis Will be Allowed to Surpass 3 and a Half Inches

Washington-Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC), who’s considering a presidential run in 2016, was recorded during a private gathering saying that if elected he would, through executive order, make sure that “no erect penis surpasses three and a half inches in length and an inch and a half in width”.

Earlier this month Sen. Graham spoke at the Hibernian Society in Charleston-an Irish/Catholic organization-where the controversial comments were recorded. While speaking at the private gathering he explained, “I’m trying to help you with your tax status. I’m sorry that the government is so [explicit] up. If I get to be president, white men in male-only clubs are going to do great in my presidency.”

After loud cheering and much laughing can be heard, Graham continued, “You know there was a time that this country belonged to the men of white skin, but now with all these ethnic types and the blacks being able to breed to their hearts content, this great nation just isn’t the same. I mean how’s a a man of pale complexion supposed to feel good about himself when he hears the Negro rapping and rhyming about his foot long genitalia? And these Negress singing about how they want a man who hangs long.”

After, perhaps, slightly less applause, Graham concluded, “When I was in college three and a half inches was enough to get the job done. Every man and woman knew that, but now, now these black mambo’s aren’t confined to gardener shacks and janitor’s work. Now they’re actually sitting in our class rooms, working like normal men and women. And there enticing our women with things that-as studies have shown-don’t make a difference after three inches anyway! That’s why if I’m elected president I promise each and every one of your pale faces that no penis, during my term, will be allowed to succeed three and a half inches erect! Anything more will be chopped off and sent to China! As I hear foreskin in general is a delicacy over there.”

When Newslo contacted Sen. Graham’s office a spokesperson for his relection campaign stated that, “The Hibernian society is a place that likes to invite politicians to come and give self-deprecating speeches. They’re all very bawdy.” explained the spokesperson, “They like when you come there and make fun of yourself, when you make fun of them, and then you get to say something serious. It should be clear to anyone who’s followed Sen. Graham over the years that he was simply having a little fun at his own expense and at the expense of those present.”