WASHINGTON — In a closed door meeting with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, President Obama and Mitt Romney both agreed to donate their prepared victory speeches to the leader of a third world country if they lose.
Goodell convinced both camps to agree to the gesture after explaining it had been commonplace in the sports world for decades and both sides needed to boost their foreign policy images before Election Day.
“It’s common courtesy,” said Goodell. “And it’s the best way to make losers feel like winners.”
President Obama decided to donate his speech to Jose Eduardo dos Santos of The Republic of Angola, and Romney chose to donate his speech to Julia Gillard of Australia before being reminded that Australia was not a third world country. He then chose to give it to King Norodom Sihamoni of Cambodia instead.
“Mitt Romney cares about the little people,” said his campaign director. “He believes in giving them the proper resources to attain success, and his victory speech could possibly turn Cambodia around.”
King Sihamoni appeared in the middle of Cambodia wearing a New England Patriots 19-0 shirt, cupped his hands over his mouth to amplify his voice and announced the news to his supporters.
“I was hoping to get Obama’s speech, but I will still be delighted to deliver Mitt Romney’s victory speech as my own,” said Sihamoni. “Today is a good day for Cambodia.”
President dos Santos could not be reached for comment, but citizens of Angola are angered that the U.S. is offering speeches instead of money and a riot has started in the center of the country.