Louisiana Republicans Stake Claim as Dumbest People in the World

LOUISIANA – When asked in a recent poll whether they thought George W. Bush or Barack Obama was more responsible for the poor response to Hurricane Katrina, 73% of Louisiana Republicans surveyed chose either President Obama or ‘Not Sure.’ This despite the fact that at the time of Hurricane Katrina, Obama was a first-year Senator from Illinois who had absolutely no involvement in the Federal response.

“It wasn’t even supposed to be a serious question,” explained Dean Debnam, President and CEO of Public Policy Polling, the company which conducted the poll. “We got paid for four questions, but they only gave us three, so we tossed in that one as a sort of joke.”

Debnam then paused, shaking his head in wonder. “When the results came back… wow. We never imagined that level of stupid even existed.”

Then-President George W. Bush was roundly criticized for his administration’s unsatisfactory response to Hurricane Katrina, as well as for his own actions during the tragedy. These ranged from enjoying birthday cake with John McCain in Arizona while New Orleans flooded and thousands were trapped in unsanitary conditions within the Superdome, not cutting his vacation short to deal with the disaster until more than 24 hours after Katrina stuck, and his infamous praise of FEMA director Michael Brown for doing ‘a heck of a job’ despite ample evidence to the contrary.

Yet somehow only 28% of respondents chose President George W. Bush as the one more responsible for the poor response to the 2005 hurricane, while 29% specifically felt that then-Senator Obama was more to blame and 44% were not sure.

Political analyst Charlie Cook, himself a Louisiana native, attempted to make sense of this imbecilic disconnect from reality. “One must remember that Hurricane Katrina was incredibly traumatizing to the people of Louisiana,” he said. “It is only natural that, well, that they would, uhm…”

“Oh forget it, they’re just stupid,” he finished.

Republican Senator David Vitter of Louisiana was not surprised by the results of the poll of his constituents. “Hey, I have to deal with these people during Republican primaries,” he said. “If I want to keep my job, I have to deny climate change, parade around as an unapologetic homophobe, say that abortion is not a ‘women’s issue,’ push forward misleading, xenophobic attacks on immigration issues, and propose legislation to allow gun owners to carry concealed weapons from state to state. And that’s just this week.”

He then added, “Who knows what kind of crazy shit I’m gonna have to claim to believe to get these idiots’ votes tomorrow?”