Christian author and publisher Mack Major warned recently that “Christian women are losing their salvation” by using dildos, which he called a “direct path to Satan.” “Too many Christian women are losing their salvation because they masturbate,” Mack wrote on the Eden Decoded Facebook page. “Dildos and all of those other sex toys have been used for thousands of years in demonic sex rituals. It’s one of the main ways ancient pagan societies worshiped their demonic gods. Masturbation is a direct path to Satan. There’s nothing normal about it. And shame on any Christian that says so.”

“Did you know that, in the old days, they used to say that every female orgasm is a way of summoning a demon to Earth?” Major said. “And if a woman was to have a certain number of orgasms in her life, she would be accused of summoning Satan. Because, each orgasm is one step closer to his rise on Earth. In fact, we are living in such dangerous and sinful times precisely because of female masturbation. Christian females are single-handedly responsible for the Supreme Court’s ruling on same-sex marriage. That is their reward for doing the Devil’s work.”

The conservative author also went on to call husbands throughout the country to “stop their wives from performing these gruesome and demonic acts of self-pleasuring.” “Talk to them, order them, chain them to the bed if you have to – whatever you do, just make them stop. Otherwise, an Apocalypse will befall us all very soon.” He added, “And should you at any point doubt the sincerity of my words for any reason whatsoever, just remember that witches in Salem were burned not just for practicing dark magic, but also for organizing mass orgies in which they pleasured one another. If our ancestors knew how dangerous this act really is, who are we to judge and change their ways?”

“However,” he added, “don’t be too quick to stop all types of masturbation. Male masturbation is quite alright, especially if it is performed by one’s wife. So, we’re all good when it comes to that. And that’s where the line stands. You must not allow your wives to seek out pleasure in such ways, but on the other hand, the Devil is fine with you yourselves doing it, he doesn’t mind. In fact, I bet he’s got a couple of smoking hot assistants down in Hell who are taking care of him, so you’re all good to go. It seems he too works in mysterious ways.”