Marion Barry Does Not Understand the Big Deal About Rob Ford Smoking Crack

WASHINGTON — “I don’t get it,” said former Washington D.C. Mayor Marion Barry, “I smoked crack with a prostitute when I was mayor, and I was great at my job.”

Barry said it was unfair that the media was trying to make Toronto Mayor Rob Ford look derelict in his duties just for smoking a little crack. “Sometimes, to be a good mayor you need to smoke crack,” said Barry. The former mayor pointed out that if he wasn’t on crack, it probably would have bothered him that in the 1980s, the D.C. mayor’s office lost track of how many employees were on the payroll. “Crack just lets you go with the flow,” said Barry.

Barry also took offense to a Daily Beast article that claimed it was impossible to be a crack head and a mayor. “Don’t they know any history over there?” said a clearly distraught Barry. “It is totally possible, I did it.”

“I know I am a civil rights-era liberal and he is hyper conservative, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have a lot of common ground,” said Barry. The former D.C. mayor and current city councilman pointed to the men’s shared distrust of science as another similarity. “Rob Ford wanted to defund science endowments in Toronto, which is a stance I wholeheartedly support. Scientists cannot be trusted — there is a reason I once said that the law of gravity is racist.”

While Ford has declined to publicly comment on a meet up with Barry, a memo from his camp stated, “If Barry bring the rocks, Ford would provide the space.”