Mayor Bloomberg Shocked That Stop-and-Frisk Policy Bothered a White Woman

NEW YORK — Mayor Michael Bloomberg reacted with shock and outrage today when informed that the NYPD’s controversial ‘stop-and-frisk’ policy championed by the mayor somehow managed to snare a white woman.

“The policy is meant to allow the NYPD to clean up the city by taking suspected drug dealers off the streets, even if they aren’t doing anything  suspicious at that exact moment,” explained Bloomberg. “The fact that it has been used to inconvenience a white person of either gender is infuriating.”

The woman in question, 22-year-old Samantha Rosenbaum, is suing the NYPD, claiming that she was stopped-and-frisked last July on Grand Street in Williamsburg after bending down to greet a neighborhood cat. A plainclothes police officer approached her and the next thing she knew two people had thrown her against the hood of a car and were demanding to know why she hadn’t stopped, and also whether or not she had any drugs on her.

“My client was simply petting a kitty. What sort of police force sexually abuses an innocent white woman just because she’s petting a kitty?” asked Rosenbaum’s lawyer, Michael Goldstein. “Especially because she isn’t one of the suspicious, crime-prone minorities.”

According to the report, a female officer lifted up Rosenbaum’s tank top, pulled back her bra and looked inside. She then allegedly pulled open Rosenbaum’s jean shorts and looked inside her underwear. “I don’t think anyone, no matter what color you are, deserves to be treated like that,” said Rosenbaum.

Bloomberg disagreed. “Look, she shouldn’t have been assaulted. She’s white. And not even a tan-ish white that maybe could be mistaken for Mexican or Puerto Rican,” said the mayor. “I mean Christ, have you seen her? She’s practically vampire-white. Now I haven’t fully reviewed the case, but it’s possible that Miss Rosenbaum had most of her skin covered, preventing the officers from identifying her as white. Beyond that, I’m stumped.”

Bloomberg is reportedly considering pushing for a new, more specific Stop-and-Frisk-Minorities-Only policy to ensure that this never happens again.