Megyn Kelly, Arbiter of Fictional Ethnicity, Overrules Marvel’s New Captain America

NEW YORK—Marvel Comics has backed down from its recent announcement that the new Captain America would be a black man after admitting it had failed to consult with the final authority on the ethnic background of fictional characters, Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly.

Marvel’s decision to have Steve Rogers retire as Captain America, passing on the mantle of America’s greatest hero to Sam Wilson, alias the Falcon, has been postponed indefinitely, according to Marvel Chairman and President Stan Lee announced Sunday night.. “We failed to get the approval of Megyn Kelly, the decisive word on all fictional racial and ethnic issues, and sincerely regret the error.”

The TV personality established herself as the supreme judge of racial and ethnic makeups of nonexistent beings last December, when she proclaimed that Santa Claus is a white man.

“Santa just is white…Santa is what he is …Jesus was a white man…that’s a verifiable fact, as is Santa, I just want kids to know that,” Kelly decreed. “How do you revise it, in the middle of the legacy of the story, and change Santa from white to black?”

“When Ms. Kelly revealed that she—and she alone—determined the racial makeup of unreal characters, we should have made a point of deferring to her,” Lee said, adding that Marvel plans to continue the rebranding effort with Kelly’s consultation in the near future. “It was an honest mistake that we will not repeat going forward. We hope, as the sole magistrate on the genetic history of the nonexistent, she will consider our ideas thoughtfully and patiently.”

Lee added that an upcoming storyline in which Thor is rejected by his hammer, Mjolnir, which passes on the hero’s mantle to a woman would not change, but admitted that he would, in the future, check with Tumblr before making any future decisions regarding gender identity.