PHILADELPHIA – Fans of New York’s hapless baseball team were left flustered after the 25-28 New York Mets pushed their win streak to three games with a 4-1 victory over the Philadelphia Phillies on Friday night.
“I’m really not sure what’s going on right now,” said Tommy Carbone, who made the drive from Corona, Queens to witness his favorite team, which hasn’t been to the playoffs since 2006, demonstrate that it can at least win contests over the only team in its division with a worse record.
“I didn’t come down to Philly to watch us build one of these win-streak thingies,” continued Carbone. “I came down to watch us lose and then wallow over our shitty slugging percentage with my friends over a Geno’s cheesesteak. Now I don’t know what the hell we’re gonna do.”
The confusion has grown especially rampant among the younger Mets-fan generation.
“They’ve stunk since I can remember,” said Chris Green, a ten-year-old Brooklyn resident and Mets devotee. “My Dad always told me they were good for a little bit, but I thought he was lying.”
Mets players were also in a state of astonishment following the win, evidenced by the looks of shock and awe plastered across their faces in the post-game locker room.
“Well this is odd,” said Zack Wheeler, Friday’s pitcher of record who brought his 2014 record to 2-5, as he addressed a throng of reporters. “Can’t say I expected it.”
Wheeler also told reporters he hasn’t been this dumbfounded and “unsure of the meaning of life” since he was traded to the Mets in 2011.
“I’m not sure I could handle it if we get to four,” continued Wheeler. “But let’s be honest, that ain’t happening.”