Michael Bay Chosen to Direct Next North Korean Propaganda Film

LOS ANGELES — Hollywood director Michael Bay has been chosen by the North Korean government to oversee the production of its next major propaganda film. Bay—who has directed some of the largest-grossing movies in recent history but receives scant critical praise—accepted the job despite the project’s likely anti-American content.

“You think I care about the message?” Bay said when asked if he had any misgivings about joining the project. ”I directed Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon! If you give me enough money to blow something up, I will literally direct anything.”

While the filmmaker and the North Korean government have been mum on the details of Gratuitous Explosions that Further the Revolution, the film’s working title, Bay has promised that absurd amounts of CGI will be used.

“I sort of imagine this film as a cross between Pearl Harbor with its cookie-cutter uninteresting characters, Transformers with its lack of a cohesive plot, and Mao’s Red Book,.” Bay said, before adding, “This is a really exciting time to be involved in socialist cinema!”

The little information that has been leaked about the film suggests that the project is a perfect match for Bay’s directing style. The movie will gloss over glaring plot holes and force stifled dialogue with epic montages of North Korean missiles crashing into the American coastline. Bay has stated that he is really excited to be freed from the artistic constraints of “storytelling and rationality.”

The North Korean government almost backed out of the project when they realized that Bay’s contentious relationship with Megan Fox would make it nearly impossible for the starlet to be involved. The government’s fears were soothed, however, when they received a call from Nicholas Cage’s agent saying the Hollywood star would be delighted at the opportunity to star in any movie that was not Ghost Rider.