Michelle Obama Vows To ‘Take Down’ Hecklers in Cage Match

WASHINGTON — Emboldened by her recent take-down of a rare heckler, Michelle Obama today announced that anyone who interrupts her in the future will be “dealt with” in a cage match.

Unlike her husband, who is known to listen to hecklers and even engage them, the First Lady recently stepped off the podium at a private Democratic National Committee fundraiser when a woman in the crowd began heckling her, calling for an executive order on lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender rights. The First Lady confronted the woman, saying “You can take the mic. But I’m leaving. You all decide. You have one choice.” The crowd roared its approval for Mrs. Obama to continue speaking.

After her speech, according to sources, Mrs. Obama was “pumped” and was overheard mumbling, “I should’ve taken that bitch down.”

Shortly after, Mrs. Obama came up with her plan to tackle hecklers head-on in cage matches. While they’re fighting, the heckler could shout anything she wants at her, but the First Lady would let her fists do the talking.

A White House spokesperson said, “Now that she’s not running for another term, Michelle feels it’s time to transition from ‘First Lady’ to ‘First Amazon.’ She’s tired of taking crap, and she’s ready to fight back. Literally. Plus, she’s ripped. You’ve seen her arms. She’s confident she can handle anything that’s thrown at her.”

In addition, the spokesperson added, Mrs. Obama feels that if young girls see her “kicking ass” they’ll be excited and motivated to join her call to get physically fit.

“Michelle sees this as opportunity to show disadvantaged girls that they don’t have to ‘take that shit’ anymore,” the spokesperson said.

Mrs. Obama also believes the cage matches will help her husband, as well.  As she told an aide,

“After I’m through with them, the hecklers will appreciate how well they’re taken care of under Obamacare, And believe me, they’re going to need it.”