Pence Aims To “Talk About My Erectile Dysfunction With Women Who Bother Me With Their Periods”

Women are flooding Indiana Gov. Mike Pence’s phone lines to protest his decision to sign a bill into law that will severely restrict abortion rights in the state. But instead of voicing their disagreement in conventional ways, they’re providing detailed accounts of their menstrual cycles. The creators of “Periods for Pence” Facebook page explained their reasoning in a March 28 post, making the tongue-in-cheek observation that “any period could potentially be a miscarriage without knowledge,” and that “just to cover our bases, perhaps we should make sure to contact Governor Pence’s office to report our periods.”

Commenting on the move made by the creators of the aforementioned page, Gov. Pence said, “Well, two can play at that game.” Pence also added that “it makes no sense to act so unreasonably, when the sole purpose of the legislation in question is to protect the innocence of life that is being murdered every single time a pregnant woman chooses to have an abortion.” “You might as well take a gun and shoot yourself in the stomach, that’s the exact same thing,” he said.

“But, if that’s the way you want to play, then fine, I can do that too,” Pence argued. “From now on, for every single call I receive to my office, I will personally answer it and politely listen to what every caller out there, and by that I mean angry woman, has to say to me. Then, when she’s finished, I’m going to go ahead and state all the problems I’ve lately been having with erectile dysfunction. I’m sure that’ll make for an interesting conversation topic, to say the least. Because, women always complain about not being treated equally. Well, here’s a chance to prove them wrong, and at the same time, a chance to do that with the utmost respect.”

He added, “If you want to tell me how much blood has gushed out of you in the past couple of days, I might as well tell you all about the limpness that’s been going on on my side of the phone line. Because hey – who wouldn’t like to hear all about Gov. Pence’s junk that’s out of order? And whoever says after that that women aren’t treated equally as men, at least in the state of Indiana, is going to get arrested and charged with disturbing the peace. So, my dear bitter ladies, you’re all welcome to call me up and tell me all about your biological issues. But be prepared to hear an equal amount of complaints from your beloved, erection-less governor. I’m sure you’ll have a ball. I got two of ‘em and they ain’t worth a damn thing,” he concluded.