UNITED STATES OF AMERICA – Across the country this week, Americans whose judicial system has formally eroded any remaining semblance of representative democracy, have risen up and voiced their outrage, livid at the controversial ending to popular sitcom How I Met Your Mother.
“I’m so furious I haven’t been able to think straight,” said San Diego resident Jen Gladfly, 29, who has been effectively disenfranchised by the Supreme Court’s ruling striking down a decades-old cap on campaign contributions. “How can they lead us on for nine years and give us that kind of ending?”
In a 5-4 ruling Wednesday, the Supreme Court declared that limits on the total amount of money donors can give to all candidates, committees and political parties are unconstitutional, a move that all but guarantees that candidates without strong corporate or financial backing will never be elected to national office.
In developments that struck closer to home for most Americans, the ending to How I Met Your Mother revealed that Penny and Luke’s mother has been dead for six years. According to a Reuters/New York Times poll, 78% of respondents were upset by the ending of the long-running CBS comedy, while only 11% were even aware that the Supreme Court legally declaring the advent of unfettered plutocracy.
“It was such bullshit. They should be ashamed of themselves,” a visibly annoyed Dan McIntyre of Westport, Conn said, not of the judicial ruling that will ensure national policy will be fully dictated by a handful of entrenched, monied elites, but about the end of a TV show. “It’s like Lost all over again.”
“A lot of my friends were upset about [the way a work of fiction ended], but it didn’t bother me too much,” reported 40-year-old Peter Cunningham of Chicago, who will never cast a meaningful vote for the rest of his life. “I’m pretty sure they knew how they wanted it to end when they started the show.” Cunningham was noticeably silent about whether the Supreme Court knew that candidates who spend the most win eight of 10 Senate contests and nine of 10 House races.
Disappointed attitudes notwithstanding, Americans who were not one of the 159 individuals responsible for 60 percent of all super-PAC funding during the last election cycle expressed high hopes for the April 13 season premiere of Mad Men.
“I’m so excited for the final season [of Mad Men],” said Karen Miller, a 38-year-old Stop & Shop manager, whose political participation is now directly tied to her stagnant paycheck. “I love Mad Men.”
Supreme Court Justices were not available for comment, as they were busy writing an opinion to gut green house gas regulations when it rules on Chamber of Commerce v. Environmental Protection Agency later this month.
