Minnesota Reminds Rest of Country That Minnesota is Still a State

SAINT PAUL, Minn. – The state House of Representatives of Minnesota voted 75-59 on Thursday in favor of a bill legalizing same-sex marriage out of hope that the bill would be seen as controversial and that the nation might take note that Minnesota is still a part of the union.

“We’re really looking to up the visibility of Minnesota as a whole,” Representative Karen Clark said, “and that’s what this bill does.”

“People think Minnesota and they think snow, pond hockey, corn, maybe Stewart Smalley or Walter Mondale. We want them to think of good times, party hats, indoor hockey, snowmen, but most of all, we just want them to think of us.”

Minnesota became the first Mid-Western state to legalize same-sex marriage legislatively and the 12th state in the nation to pass such a bill after the state Senate approved the measure.

One dejected Minnesota representative who opposed the bill, but voted for it anyway, said, “Christ, I mean seriously, we’re one of what, fifty states? Could we get a little attention over here? Everyone acts like we’re in Canada or something. We even have the same Prime Minister that the rest of the states have.”

Tim Kelly, a Republican Representative who proposed a civil union amendment, said, “Hey! Over here! Hey! We just legalized gay marriage! Doesn’t that piss you off or really excite you or something? Hey! HEY!”

Many people gathered outside of the Capitol as the votes came in, most pretending that they were excited about the bill, posing for national news cameras.

One group, dressed as popular tourist destinations in Minnesota, jumped around in front of a CNN camera. The group included people dressed as the Mall of America, a back-to-back Twins loss, the Super Bowl trophy the Vikings have never won, the world’s Largest Ball of Twine, a statue of Snoopy, and the Laura Ingalls Wilder House.

The Largest Ball of Twine commented, “Oh yeah, there’s going to be protests and celebrations, and all sorts of things now that this is working it’s way through Congress. We’re going to need night and day coverage.”

The Ball of Twine added, “And while you’re here check out the World’s Largest Ball of Twine in Darwin. It’s huge.”

The day was not without its dissenting voices though. One of the 59 throbbing cock veins who voted against the bill, Kelby Woodard, stated “This is a state divided. I think we’re jumping the gun here, giving everyone the full rights of citizens. “

“Personally, I’m still grappling with the Civil Rights Movement. I mean, integrated water fountains? Call me old fashioned, but I still find that to be a little unsettling.”

The Minnesota state Senate takes up the debate on Monday.