NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Subscribe
NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Customer Service
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Sales
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • Politics

Mitt Romney Discovers Buried Golden Tablets Instructing Him to Bomb Iran

  • October 7, 2012
  • News Lo
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

WOLFEBORO, N.H. — Sources within the Romney campaign claim that the Republican nominee discovered a pair of golden tablets with instructions for how he should lead the United States. The tablets, which Romney said he found buried in his backyard, reportedly have parables about men marrying each other, a rogue nation with magical weapons, and an evil trickster who wanders through the world forcing people to purchase health insurance.

Arriving in the middle of a heated campaign, this discovery could dramatically change the upcoming election. Though Americans are generally opposed to any military action against Iran, experts believe such a decision could prove popular if endorsed directly by God.

Democrats have pointed out that Romney, who received two graduate degrees from Harvard and grew up in a wealthy family, is already out of touch with ordinary Americans. Being a prophet, they argue, may make him even more unrelatable.

“We talked about how it could help us understand the Romney campaign,” said one senior Obama campaigner, “and this actually might explain just about everything.”

Some already believe the tablets, which only Romney has seen and may decipher, are the basis for a new religion, with Romney as its prophet. When asked about his qualifications for leading a world religion, Romney noted that his time at Bain Capital gave him valuable experience at playing God.

In the meantime, rumors have spread on Capitol Hill that former senator Rick Santorum claims to have found his own pair of divine tablets in his backyard and will announce his discovery in the coming week. When asked if reporters could see the tablets, Santorum responded incredulously, “Of course not – when did America lose faith in its elected prophets?”

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • Americans are generally opposed to any military action against Iran
  • arriving in the middle of a heated campaign
  • Bain Capital
  • Barack Obama
  • cash
  • David Axelrod
  • Democrats claim
  • dramatically change the upcoming election
  • experts believe such a decision could prove popular if endorsed by god
  • golden tablets
  • Iran
  • military action against Iran
  • Mitt Romney and political satire
  • Mitt Romney satirical pieces
  • Mormonism
  • news
  • news makeup
  • Obama
  • Obama campaign
  • playing god
  • political humor
  • reporters
  • Republicans now claim that
  • rogue nation
  • Romney
  • Romney noted that his time at Bain Capital gave him valuable exprience
  • Romney's time at Bain Capital
  • rumors spread on Capitol Hill
  • Satire
  • Senator Rick Santorum claims
  • Sources within the Romney campaign claim
  • the Republican nominee
  • upcoming election
  • wealthy family
  • when asked if reporters
Avatar of News Lo
News Lo

Welcome to Newslo! Our team of dedicated authors strives to deliver the latest and most important info on finance while infusing a dose of our own style to give you a unique experience. Whether you're looking for in-depth discussions on investments or solid finance tips, we have something for everyone. Our goal is to deliver you the best possible content. So, keep reading our articles and give us your feedback!

Previous Article
  • Politics

CIA Resorts to Stealing Citizens’ Identities After Budget Cuts

  • October 7, 2012
  • News Lo
View Post
Next Article
  • Politics

White House Aide: “The Obamas, Beyoncé, and Jay-Z have a swingers club”

  • October 7, 2012
  • News Lo
View Post
NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Navigating the world of finance, one step at a time.

Input your search keywords and press Enter.