NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Subscribe
NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Customer Service
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Sales
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • US

Monsanto Begins Harvesting Farmers

  • October 3, 2012
  • News Lo
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

ST. LOUIS, MO — As farmers prepare for the height of corn harvesting season this October, they do so in the midst of alarming new concerns about their crop. The recent streak of farmer disappearances throughout the Midwest is now being linked to a corn variety produced by the oft-maligned agribusiness behemoth Monsanto. Corn variety NK603, it seems, has begun to harvest its farmers.

Victims are typically in the fields alone, and attacks usually take place around dusk. Farmer Billy McGee, one of the few to witness an attack and survive, told reporters, “My co-farmer Taylor was walking in front of me through a cornfield when I noticed something strange. The wind was blowing, but none of the stalks were swaying. As soon as Taylor got a few feet in front of me, I heard a strange rustling and saw one of the bigger stalks grab him by the ear and drag him away screaming. I tried to help, but he was just… gone.”

Concerns about the abnormal levels of Roundup in the herbicide resistant crop and the links emerging between NK306 corn and mammary tumors have proven to be mere distractions next to the real dangers the corn presents. An anonymous source who works for Monsanto gave reporters inside information on the sinister plot.

“The corn is doing exactly what it was designed to do,” said the source, who referred to himself only as Deep Crop. “Monsanto corn is harvesting these farmers, and we are genetically modifying them to do our bidding. That’s right, Monsanto is now engineering its own crop of humans. “

So far, Monsanto executives have declined to comment on the situation, although the rumor is that genetically modified farmers will be available at record low retail prices by next April.

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • Agribusines
  • cornfield
  • genetically modified organisms
  • GMOs
  • harvest
  • herbicide
  • Midwest
  • Monsanto
  • news makeup
  • St. Louis
  • victims
Avatar of News Lo
News Lo

Welcome to Newslo! Our team of dedicated authors strives to deliver the latest and most important info on finance while infusing a dose of our own style to give you a unique experience. Whether you're looking for in-depth discussions on investments or solid finance tips, we have something for everyone. Our goal is to deliver you the best possible content. So, keep reading our articles and give us your feedback!

Previous Article
  • US

Delaware Legalizes Marriage Between Corporate Persons

  • October 3, 2012
  • News Lo
View Post
Next Article
  • New York

Michael Bloomberg Exploring Alternative Methods for Securing a Fourth Term as Mayor

  • October 3, 2012
  • News Lo
View Post
NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Navigating the world of finance, one step at a time.

Input your search keywords and press Enter.