Muslim Kindness Making Americans Visibly Uncomfortable

BOSTON — In the aftermath of last Monday’s tragic events in Boston, Muslims around the world have been offering their condolences, which is clearly making Americans feel awkward as they try to respond with appreciation.

In a statement, the Freedom and Justice Party—the Cairo-based Muslim Brotherhood’s political wing—said, “The Freedom and Justice Party categorically rejects as intolerable the bombings committed in the U.S. city of Boston. The FJP offers heartfelt sympathies and solemn condolences to the American people and the families of the victims and wishes a speedy recovery to the injured.”

Responding to those sympathies, Daniel Scivoletti of Waterbury, Conn., said, “That’s very nice of you…Thanks, I guess?”

Meanwhile, state-owned Press TV reported that Iranian Foreign Ministry Spokesman Ramin Mehmanparast called the attacks a “source of sorrow.” Said Mehmanparast: “Iran strongly condemns the killing of American citizens in Boston. … Acts of extremism and terrorism have to be uprooted across the world and no effort should be made to justify violence.”

“I agree?” said Jennifer Dunne of Derby Line, Vt.

As news reached the war-ravaged streets of Syria, citizens of Kafr Anbel gathered to show solidarity with those left heartbroken by the tragedy. Video of the demonstration showed one segment of the group holding a large banner that read: “Boston bombers represent a sorrowful scene of what happens every day in Syria. Do accept our condolences.”

“That’s very…thoughtful,” said Erin Barden, a resident of Brookhaven, Miss., responding in a verbally clumsy message on YouTube. “Especially since you guys, like, have your own things to, you know, deal with. Also, I don’t think I know how to even pronounce your town’s name, sorry. Ka-fur Ann-bell?”

America, the world’s last remaining superpower, apparently remains unaccustomed to receiving kind words from nations and groups with which it has had prior disputes.

Added Barden, “Kay-fer Ahn-bel?”