Nation Still Has No Idea What Obama “Moving Forward” to

WASHINGTON — The people of the United States are collectively beginning to realize that Obama’s popular phrase “Moving Forward” doesn’t really mean anything. While “forward” is generally regarded as one of the better directions by most people, they are still are not really sure what Obama is moving forward towards. Concern about the vague direction has increased after Obama released his revised plan for the economy this week, which was nothing but a picture book of people he had met over his four years of campaigning. Now a number of theories have emerged about the phrase “Moving Forward” and what it could really mean.

“I know a lot of people who think it means, like, let me forward you some money,” said Jay Daven, a trail guide from Nevada. Under this interpretation, “Moving Forward” would accurately describe most federal spending. The problem, as many point out, is that the President typically seems to describe “the people” or “the country” when he uses “Moving Forward.”

Many people are of the opinion that “Moving Forwards” just refers to moving forward in time. Denver native Bill Ronson explained, “This isn’t a spatial, tangible thing, you know? ‘Forward’ is more than that. He means forward in time.” The objection, of course, is that most experts believe that time will also move forward if Romney is elected. Everyone acknowledges, however, that it is better for America if time continues at a similar rate after the election.

A recent interview with Dr. Gerald Hopkins, a Professor of Political Science at Duke University, provided a much more practical analysis. “The point is not where we are going,” he told Newslo. “It is that we are indeed moving forward, and only forward. Now, think of other things that only go forward. Pawns in chess, for one. People caught in stampedes, they always have to move forward. Baby dogs, before they learn how to walk backwards. Then you get a picture of Obama’s plan.”

In response to the accusation that Obama is using the vague phrase “Moving Forward” as a way to allow people to insert their own personal definitions and then associate themselves with the Obama campaign, the President said, “As I understand it, people think I’m trying to redefine words. And you know what, I think we ought to redefine certain things sometimes. I think that’s a part of moving forward.”