NBA names Dennis Rodman Most Valuable Peace Negotiator

WASHINGTON –  Fresh off of his visit with North Korean leader Kim Jong- un in Pyongyang, North Korea, the former NBA all-star Dennis Rodman is being hailed for his diplomatic genius and for still being alive.

The Hall of Famer visited the last totalitarian state last week with a group of Harlem Globetrotters and a video crew from HBO. During the visit Rodman took part in several highly publicized event with Mr. Kim, but also took part in secret diplomatic negotiations.

Newslo has learned that Rodman brokered a peace deal with Mr. Him that calls for the Hermit Kingdom to scale back its nuclear activities and improve diplomatic relations with South Korea. In return, the United States will lift some of its trade sanctions with North Korea and also send to the country NBA star Carmelo Anthony and a player to be named later.

“This deal is a win-win for North Korea, South Korea, the United States and the NBA,” Rodman declared. “I guess that would make it a win-win-win-win.”

The deal was brokered during high-level meetings that Rodman and Mr. Kim held at several North Korean strip clubs.

“Kim is a pretty nice kid for a ruthless dictator and all,” Rodman explained. “Sure, he throws people into prison for no reason and starves thousands of people, but he also has a softer side. He’s human. Just like me, he puts on his dresses one leg at a time. He even kicked a few cameramen while I was there in order to make me feel more comfortable.”

NBA Commissioner David Stern saluted Rodman for his agile diplomacy, and said the trip was a good example of the NBA Cares program, except for all of the starving, prisons and human rights abuses that continue unabated. Stern added that he was surprised when he learned that Rodman would be traveling to North Korea.

“I thought he died last year,” Stern said with a laugh. “And I doubt he actually knows where North Korea was. He probably thought it was a city in North Dakota.”

Rodman now plans to travel to Iran, Syria and other isolated countries throughout the world to bring peace and love to the world.

“Now that I’ve fixed things between North Korea and South Korea, I’ve got plenty of other important work to do,” Rodman explained. “My biggest goal now is to try to get North America and South America back together again.”