LAS VEGAS — The college football’s bowl season will be filled with even more terrible teams when all 122 Football Bowl Subdivision teams will be bowl-eligible starting next year. NCAA President Mark Emmert announced in a press conference yesterday that the old requirement of six wins to play in a bowl game will be abolished, allowing even winless teams to play in bowl games. This will increase the number of bowl games from 35 to 61.
“Bowl games used to be only for the very best teams in college football, but now kids are growing up in a culture of being rewarded just for their effort,” said Emmert. “They expect a feeling of accomplishment even when one isn’t deserved. We’re just conforming to society in this regard.”
Emmert showed off the plastic “Participation Medals” that each player will receive after a bowl game. “I know we don’t pay our athletes, but these should make them forget about that.”
When Emmert finished pretending this decision was made with the student-athletes in mind, he moved on to the financial benefits that will come from additional bowl games.
“This country drools over football, and we’re just gonna keep raking in the cash no matter how embarrassing it looks.”
Emert then responded to critics of the extended bowl season: “to those who claim we are watering down the bowl schedule, I say that ship sailed a long time ago. You know it’s watered down when bowls like the GoDaddy.com Bowl and the Beef ‘O’ Brady’s Bowl already exist. I’m not even sure if Beef ‘O’ Brady’s is real or just some fictional brand of meats from a cartoon.”
Next year’s college bowl season will kick off with “Revvin’ Ricardo’s” Albuquerque Hyundai Dealership Bowl, which will feature the two worst teams in the country.
