New iPhone Just a Plastic Case to Put on Your Old Phone

CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple CEO Tim Cook unveiled new versions of the brand’s flagship iPhone at the company’s headquarters on Tuesday. The new models include a 5S, which can capture your fingerprint and takes several photos when you tell it to take one, and a 5C, which stands for 5-Cover.

“This is the new 5C,” Cook said, holding up what appeared to be an empty plastic case. “It retails for $99 with a phone contract, and now you can look exactly like you have an iPhone without all the messy expense or attention to detail.”

Cook then carelessly tossed the 5C over his shoulder before gingerly picking up a 5S from a display table.

“Now,” he said, “let’s talk about the new iPhone.”

Initial reaction to the 5C has been positive. Business Week tech writer Brad Stone calls the model “colorful” and “unshockingly lightweight,” while Winston Ross of The Daily Beast says the 5C could revolutionize the industry, albeit briefly.

“The 5C lacks many features and that certain Apple je ne sais quoi,” Ross wrote, “But with the company’s stockholders eager to get a product – any product – into people’s hands, this could be the one. Something tells me it’s exactly what many consumer have been looking for.”

After the unveiling, Apple stock prices fell 5%.