NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Subscribe
NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Customer Service
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Sales
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • US

New Psychotropic Medicine Alleviates Patients from the Human Condition

  • January 7, 2013
  • News Lo
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

NEW YORK — Pfizer has come out with a new psychotropic that reportedly eliminates bothersome elements of the human condition, such as fleeting malaise, self-doubt, and concerns about mortality.

Marketers at Pfizer have dubbed the drug Edenify, in reference to the biblical Garden of Eden. In a press release, Pfizer described its new product “a potent psychotropic that manages to sweep patients into a blissful and shame-free state of mind, reminiscent of Paradise.”

Pfizer expects the drug to be a major seller, describing it in an e-blast to shareholders as “the king of all kings; the jackpot; the moneymaker.”

However, the medication’s release date has yet to be determined, as the Food and Drug Administration grapples with some of its more unfortunate side effects. High incidents of coma and death continue to appear in trial patients.

“We here at Pfizer are confident that Edenify will be approved by the FDA in no time,” said Brenda Mezzanini, a spokeswoman for Pfizer. “In fact, research has revealed that our comatose and dead trial patients were also the most successful at escaping the human condition. When surveyed, they demonstrated absolutely no signs of melancholy or fear of death, at an unprecedented 100% rate.”

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • Americans on drugs
  • Drugging of america
  • drugs and America
  • Human medicine
  • Newslo satire and humor
  • Pfizer drugging America
  • pills and human condition
  • society and humor
Avatar of News Lo
News Lo

Welcome to Newslo! Our team of dedicated authors strives to deliver the latest and most important info on finance while infusing a dose of our own style to give you a unique experience. Whether you're looking for in-depth discussions on investments or solid finance tips, we have something for everyone. Our goal is to deliver you the best possible content. So, keep reading our articles and give us your feedback!

Previous Article
  • US

New Pot-Smoking Club Fails to Provide Members with Safe Transportation Home

  • January 7, 2013
  • News Lo
View Post
Next Article
  • Politics

Zadroga Bill Repealed, 9/11 First Responders Receive Scratch-Offs Instead

  • January 7, 2013
  • News Lo
View Post
NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Navigating the world of finance, one step at a time.

Input your search keywords and press Enter.