News in August is Quiet, Almost….Too Quiet

NEW YORK — After a torrent of hard hitting news events in 2013, the American people are enjoying a relatively laid back August.  Yet there are some who are noting that while the news cycle seems quiet, it’s almost too quiet.

“Reporting the news is a marathon, not a sprint,” said Time Magazine Managing Editor Rick Stengel.  “Just look at the 2013 we’ve had: two Popes, unrest in the Middle East, Trayvon Martin.  Remember that Russian meteor?  That was February!  Feels like five years ago don’t it?”  In an effort to “take the foot off the pedal” More recently, Stengel has dispatched an investigative team to Denmark to report on a testicle biting fish.

The free and easy feeling may be an illusion however, explains Jane Zarden, a professor of history at Franklin Pierce College.  “Historically speaking, while August has been slow news-wise, do NOT kick your heels up and take it easy.  You have the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal hitting its tawdry peak, Nixon resigning, the atomic bombs being dropped.

“Believe you me,” she added.  “Even if we’re lucky enough to get out of this month in one piece, rest assured the seeds of mayhem are already being sewn.  I don’t know if it’s Obama revealing he really is a Muslim terrorist and challenging someone to do something about it, Luxembourg announcing that it has nukes, or Mandela recovering and saying Apartheid wasn’t really a bad idea.  But trust me – it’s coming.”

At CNN studios in Washington, however, there is no acknowledgement of any news lull – imagined or otherwise.  “Maybe for the amateurs this is a time to take a break,” said anchor Wolf Blitzer.  “But for the professionals here at CNN, we never flinch from the hard news.  Now let’s go to an i-Report about from San Diego about Hooters announcing it won’t serve Mayor Bob Filner even though there is no evidence he’s even gone there.”

On, 100% of responders to an online poll asking Americans what they thought of the Egyptian military massacre of protesters answered “Please – just give me two more weeks and I’ll get back to you.”