Nicaraguan History Now Central to NYC Mayoral Race Because ‘Why the Hell Not?’

NEW YORK — According to a recently released Wall St Journal/Quinnipiac College poll,  88% of New Yorkers responded with a resounding “Oh, why the hell not?” when asked if they were surprised that the internal affairs of Nicaragua in the 1980’s has become an issue in the 2013 New York City Mayor’s race.

Brian Almonte, a professor of public policy at Quinnipiac, told reporters that after a summer of being hammered with incessant talk of Carlos Danger, a teenage boy’s afro, and the usual mudslinging and quotes taken out of context, most New Yorkers have become desensitized to the outlandish in local politics.  “Sure, an outsider may take the allegation that [Democratic candidate] Bill de Blasio, a mainstream American politician, is a Marxist as a sign of a desperate campaign and a clarion call for the need for civility and common sense in politics,” Almonte said.  “But may I remind you that it was just three weeks ago that New Yorkers were having to listen to a candidate profess  – in an official  debate, no less –  that he would not order subway trains to crush kittens to death if he were elected mayor.”

However, with GOP candidate Joe Lhota trailing 66%-25% in recent polls, Almonte warned New Yorkers that they may not have seen the craziest allegation yet.  “He may not know it, but Bill de Blasio is about five percentage points away from being accused of supporting al Qaeda.”

Yolanda Sheridan, a resident of the Red Hook neighborhood of Brooklyn, says that while she cannot find Nicaragua on a map, she would rather talk about that if they aren’t going to talk serious issues.   “My neighborhood is gentrifying at a rapid pace, I’m likely to not be able to afford my next rent hike, and my son has been stopped and frisked four times – and he’s a cop,” Sheridan said. “But after hearing so much about Anthony Weiner and Eliot Spitzer’s respective penises this summer, I guess Bill de Blasio’s take on Central American politics from three decades ago is a breath of fresh air.”

“Frankly,” she added, “I’m surprised this didn’t surface sooner.”