None of Jets’ QBs Want to Start Sunday

NEW YORK – Sports talk shows debated relentlessly this week on who would and should start at quarterback for the New York Jets: The coach’s favorite Mark Sanchez, the forgotten messiah Tim Tebow, or the scrappy up-and-comer Greg McElroy. The debating ended Wednesday when Head Coach Rex Ryan announced that he would stick with Sanchez, making all Jets fans simultaneously smack their foreheads.

However, just when Ryan thought the situation was settled, he learned that none of his quarterbacks actually want to start. Each QB told the media their own reasons for wanting no part of the starting role.

McElroy, who won a college National Championship at Alabama and was nearly a Rhodes Scholar, is not buying any of what Ryan is trying to sell: “He called our QB situation better than what most teams in the league have. Well guess what? Every single team called to say hell no. You must be crazy if you think I want to start for this delusional nut.”

Tebow has been practically non-existent in the Jets’ offense this year. His biggest plays have come on fake punt plays, not as quarterback. His few plays at QB have been very unimaginative. Tebow explained, “The only play [Tony] Sparano gives me is ‘Run forward.’ When I ask him if there’s a specific hole I should run through, he tells me, ‘No, no, no, just use your magical Jesus powers and run over the tacklers.’”

Sanchez has only seemed to regress in his third and fourth seasons as a pro. Ryan claims that Sanchez gives the Jets the best chance to succeed, to which all other NFL players, coaches and owners slap their knees in hysterical laughter.

Fans and analysts question his decision-making on the field and his overall lack of maturity. Many believe Ryan feels forced to start Sanchez because of the extra guaranteed money the team gave the QB during the offseason.

“The booing hurts my feelings,” confessed Sanchez. “Playing quarterback is a lot harder than people think.  There’s a lot of bad guys from the other team who keep catching my throws.”