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North Dakota Governor Suggests State’s Homosexuals Move to South Dakota

  • May 28, 2014
  • NewsLo
  • 10 comments
  • 2 minute read
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FARGO, N.D. – Republican Gov. Jack Dalrymple of North Dakota made waves last week when he urged all homosexuals within the state’s borders to move to its southerly neighbor.

“Being that South Dakota’s citizens are suddenly showing signs of a pro-gay agenda, I figure they’d welcome our gays with open arms,” said Dalrymple, referring to the recent challenge of a 2006 constitutional amendment in South Dakota that bans gay marriage and refuses to recognize same-sex marriages conducted in other states.

“I never cared much for South Dakota to begin with,” continued Dalrymple. “They’ve always been a little too smug for my taste, especially with that gaudy Mount Rushmore. Now they’re suddenly self-righteous, too, throwing this progressive mumbo-jumbo about gay rights in our faces? I think South Dakota and gays are a match made in heaven. Please, take them off our hands.”

The South Dakota lawsuit, which prompted Dalrymple’s comments, officially leaves North Dakota as the nation’s only state where same-sex wedding prohibitions stand unchallenged.

“I’ll tell you this. The people of North Dakota will never stoop to the level of challenging the holy sanctity of heterosexual marriage,” continued Dalrymple. “It’s a mockery what they’re doing, which is about par for the course when it comes to the lesser of the Dakotas.”

If the South Dakota challenge proves successful, the state would become the 20th state to permit gay marriage, with Oregon and Pennsylvania being the two most recent ones to strike down similar bans.

“Even more states to welcome our gays,” continued Dalrymple. “The more I think about it, the more I realize that all these silly legal challenges might be a blessing, after all.”

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10 comments
  1. Miranda Knudson Schuler says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:34 am

    You all realize this is a satire comedy news page? Not really funny though. Your comments about the Gov. of ND have all been provoked by fake news made to get you worked up.

    Log in to Reply
  2. Katherine White says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:34 am

    THIS IS POORLY DONE SATIRE.

    Log in to Reply
  3. Austin C Keller says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:34 am

    You guys are obviously fucking stupid. This page and this entire website is just to pose as a false news site. All of the listings on here are completely fake and made up just for humorous purposes, in hopes to make idiots like you guys fall for it.

    Log in to Reply
  4. Shelli Johnson Patch says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:34 am

    It’s made up, guys. Settle down! 🙂 BTW, this kinda crap is NOT funny, Newslo.

    Log in to Reply
  5. Troy Ternes says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:34 am

    Gov. Jack Dalrymple … you sir… ARE A CUNT! Perhaps you would like to tell your buddy Wayne Stenehjem that his brother Allan should move to South Dakota also…

    Log in to Reply
  6. Bradley Taylor says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:34 am

    Well governor, maybe you should take your closed minded entourage along with yourself and go fuck yourselves with a cactus! I never liked you never will! I’m sure I speak for a lot of people(gay and straight) in the state of North Dakota by saying YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE!! Maybe you should go fly your jet and crash land on a deserted island where nobody would miss you!! This bill WILL pass whether you’re in office or after you finally get booted off!! Can’t wait for that day!!

    Log in to Reply
  7. Landon Shaffner says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:34 am

    This is bullshit gays should have the same rights as straight people, not only because we r all human but also because heterosexual marriages have been fucked up for years they get married stay together for a couple years and then get divorced. I don’t see why we gays can’t have a shot at getting married where we want to and at least giving it our all to try and make it work. This is not only an outrage but an insult to the gay community. What u might not believe in someone else does and just because u don’t believe in it doesn’t mean that it’s not okay for same-sex couples to get married

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  8. Brenda Jo Gillund says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:34 am

    Maybe it would be easier to state “#PAAS, MANRN” at the beginning of such articles. “Poor Attempt At Satire, Misleading And NOT REAL NEWS.”

    Log in to Reply
  9. Steven Thomas says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:34 am

    Just throwin it out there, not allof us North Dakotans think that!

    Log in to Reply
  10. Cody Werlinger says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:34 am

    Thats y Jack is the #1 Governor in the Nation!! WAY TO GO JACK!!

    Log in to Reply

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