“The Pentagon, Virginia – Army General Curtis Scaparrotti recently stated that “there is a great probability that North Korea possesses a nuclear-armed missile that has the potential of reaching US soil”.

” “The odds of such a weapon being effective have been characterized as “pretty darn low” by several of my high-ranking colleagues, but let me assure you that we, as one of the most powerful military forces in the world, cannot allow ourselves to let our guard down”, Scaparrotti added.

The commander of US forces in South Korea also stated that “according to the latest intelligence from the field, North Korea hates the US. Moreover, I am sad to say that several of our agents were captured by the North Koreans and were tortured in the most hideous ways, which included tickling, singing traditional Korean folk songs and observing videos that showed former leader Kim-Jong Ill dancing around in a thong”.

The current North Korean leader, Kim-Jong Un, claims that the country has such a missile, but is reluctant to launch it on the US because “dad said to wait for the Russians”.

“You see, field intelligence leads to the conclusion that the North Korean dictator is acting on the instructons left for him by his father, the previous head of North Korea, Kim Jong Ill. Just goes to show that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”, Scaparrotti also noted.

“Although the KN-08 (the designation of the missile in question in the US) has not yet been tested, steps were taken in early 2014 to field-test it for efficiency. However, reports say that, during his trip to the launch site, Kim Jong Un noticed a peasant not wearing one of the 10 hairstyles allowed for men in North Korea, and halted the convoy to deal with the “dissident”.

“Scaparrotti also added that “it would be imprudent of him to ignore the North Koreans’ claims.”