North Korea Launches Nation’s First Christian Rock Station

SEOUL, South Korea — North Korea test-fired five missiles Thursday during Pope Francis’ visit to the South Korean capital, where he gave a speech promoting peace and diplomacy between the two regions.

Less than 24 hours prior, North Korea launched the nation’s first-ever Christian rock station, 103.2 Christ-Lite FM.

South Korean officials suspect that the missiles were launched after Pope Francis declined to be present at Christ-Lite FM’s launch party on Wednesday. Despite the launch of Christ-Lite FM, the Catholic Church of North Korea is not recognized by the Vatican.

The launch party featured more than a dozen karaoke renditions of Taylor Swift’s smash hit single “22,” all of which were sung by a 10-year-old Dennis Rodman impersonator.

Before test-firing the missiles, North Korea’s Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un sent Pope Francis video footage from the event, along with a barely legible note that read, “FOMO much?” To this Pope Francis replied, “Does Taylor Swift even count as Christian Rock? This kid also looks nothing like Dennis Rodman.”

In a statement released Friday, Mr. Kim denied having ever invited Pope Francis to the launch party, and stated the launch of the missiles had nothing to do with Pope Francis’ visit to the South.

Added Kim, “Why of all the days of the year, as numerous as the hairs of a cow, did the pope choose to come to the South on the very day we had planned to test our rockets? And why in the world, with so many figureheads in the Vatican as there are cows in a milk factory, would we invite Pope Francis to our awesome party?”