PYONGYANG — For decades the North Korean government has perplexed the Western world with its bizarre, self-aggrandizing claims about its leaders and cultural history. The deeply isolated dictatorship’s state-controlled media has reported, among other things, that former leader Kim Jong-Il could control the weather, never defecated or urinated, and once played a round of golf that included 11 holes-in-one. Most recently, the nation raised eyebrows after the Korean Central News Agency reported that North Korean archeologists had discovered a unicorn lair. However, the nation has finally come clean, admitting that they’ve just been fucking with everyone.
“At first it was hilarious. Like when we convinced everyone that we all thought Kim Jong-Il’s pajama suits had made him an international fashion icon? Or that we thought he was the greatest opera composer of all-time? Classic. That’s good stuff,” a spokesperson for the state revealed. “But it’s starting to wear thin. I mean, unicorn lair? We’re underfed, but we aren’t delusional.”
The spokesperson also clarified that the country’s aggressive military action, which includes recent plans to test long-range missiles, has not been part of the gag.
“The part about us starving our own people in order to pursue military superiority is totally true though,” the spokesperson added. “Yeah, we’re definitely doing that.”
