NRA Leaders Resent New Smart Gun’s Condescension and ‘Book Learnin’

UNTERFÖHRING, Germany – A German gun designer’s effort to create a “smart gun” in hopes of saving lives is being met with anger and resentment by gun rights advocates in the United States. Firearm enthusiasts, who until now largely supported the gun’s legendary designer, Ernst Mauch, are calling the iP1 smart gun “uppity,” and say they “resent being told how and when to ‘pop off’ by some smarty-pants, know-it-all weapon.”

“If something gets labelled ‘smart,’ you’re right to be suspicious,” said National Rifle Association executive vice president Wayne LaPierre. “It’s always the smart people who are trying to steal your freedom by telling you how to eat or when it’s ‘appropriate’ and ‘lawful’ to open fire with an AR-15.

“If ‘smart’ means even the slightest restriction or inconvenience, we at the NRA will side with dumb every time,” LaPierre added.

By designing the iP1, Mauch hoped to make it more difficult for a gun to be used by someone other than its rightful owner. The weapon will only fire if the person holding it is also wearing a specially-designed watch that is linked wirelessly to the firearm.

Mauch, who is responsible for many of the world’s most popular guns, enjoyed the adoration of firearm enthusiasts for most of his career, but many are now labelling him a “traitor” for designing the iP1.

The anger is such that crowds in California and Maryland recently protested outside of gun stores selling the weapon. In Maryland, many of the protesters said that “guns are like pets, and no one wants a pet smarter than its owner.”

The NRA said that it has officially added Mauch and every store that carries the iP1 to its “enemies list.”

“They’ll stay on the list until they realize that smart don’t mix with guns,” LaPierre said.

“What’s with the obsession with intelligence anyway?” LaPierre wondered. “There are much better things in life than book learnin’, anyway. The NRA stands behind those who prefer to think with their gut, or any part of their body other than their head, if they so choose.”

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