NRA Apologizes for Ad Targeting Obama’s Daughters, Releases Ad Targeting Handicapped Students

FAIRFAX, Va. — After withdrawing a widely condemned attack ad calling President Obama an “elitist hypocrite” for allowing his daughters to be protected by armed guards, the National Rifle Association has released an ad criticizing the “special treatment” received by students with disabilities.

In a press statement, Wayne LaPierre, Vice President of the NRA, admitted that the original advertisement was “at best, tactless and nonsensical,” agreeing with critics from all political persuasions that “of course the president’s daughters are going to be many hundreds of times more likely to be targeted for assassination than the average student.”

However, LaPierre contends that the new target of gun rights outrage is well deserved.

“Why is it that every public school has a wheelchair ramp, but almost no schools allow your normal kids to carry a handgun?” LaPierre argues in the voiceover to the hastily revised advertisement. “We go the extra mile to make sure no handicapped students hurt themselves on the stairs, but we won’t let our kids defend themselves from psychopathic, ax-wielding school terrorists?”

The new ad also connects the NRA’s charges of “cripple elitism” with the face of Jon Vandelay, a 16-year-old student at a Fairfax high school who suffers from muscular dystrophy.

“President Obama wants you to blame gun violence on guns,” the ad says, “But this private citizen is the real problem. The money spent on wheelchair ramps and special assistance for Jon Vandelay could easily be spent arming Virginia students of all ages. Here is some footage of Vandelay’s aide helping him urinate.”

LaPierre, who wrote the script for the new TV spot himself, is reportedly quite pleased with the outcome.

“This is a much more proactive and expansive approach to the problem of gun violence,” said LaPierre. “What about bullying? Guns in schools would solve that problem, too.”