NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Subscribe
NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Customer Service
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Sales
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • US

NRA Launches ‘Outlaw the Oceans’ Campaign, Equates Guns with Water

  • April 16, 2013
  • News Lo
NRA
(Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

FAIRFAX, Va. — Citing the dubious fact that “a person can drown in a teaspoon of water,” Executive Vice President of the NRA Wayne LaPierre today announced the launch of his organization’s “Outlaw the Oceans” campaign, which contends that any restrictions on the ability to purchase any firearm is equivalent to banning the consumption or use of water.

The ironical campaign follows the logic of the popular “Why don’t we outlaw cars” argument, an analogy dictating that, since people are sometimes killed in automobile accidents, it makes as much sense to outlaw cars as it does to restrict access on any type of gun. Like that argument, the underlying premise of “Outlaw the Oceans” overlooks the subtle differences between water and guns.

Water is a chemical compound comprised of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom. In addition to being essential for all known forms of life, water covers over two-thirds of Earth, making it a desirable catalyst for transportation. Much as with automobiles, the entire global infrastructure and economy are entirely dependent on its use.

On the other hand, a gun is a device that uses combustion to fire a projectile at speeds high enough to severely injure or kill a living organism. Throughout their history, guns have primarily been used for the express purpose of efficiently murdering human beings.

“The government is trying to redefine ‘assault weapon’ to mean any firearm that automatically prepares itself to fire one bullet after the other,” said LaPierre, intentionally overlooking the primary manifestation of gun control efforts, in which anyone interested in purchasing a firearm would be subjected to a background check—a policy that has the support of over 90% of Americans. “And sure: that capability does make it extraordinarily convenient to kill people quickly and without much technical proficiency, whether in self-defense or otherwise. But, as we all well know, the intended purpose of these weapons is to open large quantities of jars of pickles in rapid succession.”

Having reached his main point, LaPierre concluded: “Banning these weapons just because some or pretty much all people use them to kill other people, rather than to open jars of pickles, is literally the same thing as forbidding the use of water in any of its states, since some people might whip ice cubes at each other or accidentally drown in a swimming pool.”

“Outlaw the Oceans” has been wildly popular among the remaining ten percent of Americans who oppose any and all infringement on 2nd Amendment rights, and those who refuse to engage in any relevant or reasonable conversation on the issue.

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • guns and water
  • news humor and satire
  • NRA
  • NRA LaPierre
  • Outlaw the oceans
  • satire and humor
Avatar of News Lo
News Lo

Welcome to Newslo! Our team of dedicated authors strives to deliver the latest and most important info on finance while infusing a dose of our own style to give you a unique experience. Whether you're looking for in-depth discussions on investments or solid finance tips, we have something for everyone. Our goal is to deliver you the best possible content. So, keep reading our articles and give us your feedback!

Previous Article
  • World

Hoping for a Little Attention, Syrian Citizens Threaten to Nuke the U.S.

  • April 15, 2013
  • News Lo
View Post
Next Article
NRA
  • Sports

Alabama Wins BCS Spring Training National Championship

  • April 16, 2013
  • News Lo
View Post
3 comments
  1. Avatar of Arnie Kappeler Arnie Kappeler says:
    April 16, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    Make water illegal? It would be exactly like placing restrictions on automatic weapons, or requiring background checks. If you regulate water, then the terrorists win.

  2. Avatar of ralph ciardella ralph ciardella says:
    April 16, 2013 at 3:09 pm

    LaPierre (is that French?) needs to have his noggin examined for any evidence of brain!
    How about if we outlawed water guns?

  3. Avatar of Nancy Schupp Nancy Schupp says:
    April 16, 2013 at 3:24 pm

    Water is necessary for life. Guns are not it seems that they take life.

Comments are closed.

NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Navigating the world of finance, one step at a time.

Input your search keywords and press Enter.