NewsLo šŸ“Š
NewsLo šŸ“Š
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Sales
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
    • Life Insurance
    • Pet Insurance
    • Renters Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • US

NSA Will Publish Facebook Activity Logs to Battle Whistleblowers

  • June 21, 2013
  • NewsLo
  • One comment
  • 2 minute read
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

WASHINGTON — “Let he who’s without sin leak the first file” became the modern embodiment of an ancient adage this week as the National Security Agency announced its plan to combat the epidemic of whistleblowers and data leakers plaguing the intelligence industry. In a move applauded by other government agencies and large corporations, the previously media-shy NSA — once dubbed ā€œNo Such Agencyā€ — reached out to all media outlets to announce it will begin taking justice into its own hands and retaliating against all leaks in a swift and efficient manner: by immediately publishing all Facebook activity of those involved.

Gen. Keith B. Alexander, the head of the NSA, began the announcement by stating that American surveillance had helped prevent ā€œpotential terrorist events over 50 times since 9/11,ā€ including at least 10 ā€œhomeland-based threats.ā€ But he said that a vast majority must remain secret to avoid disclosing sources and methods, and that having “little punks snitching on us only makes our job harder.” Alexander went on to say, “You gonna mess with our spying – we’ll mess with your stalking. See how you like it.”

The ā€œFacebook Ultimate Karma Umbrellaā€ (FUKU) is the infrastructure underpinning the NSA’s spying capabilities. The advanced computer system is programmed to automatically publish a whistleblower’s most embarrassing Facebook activity, as well as that of any journalist, editor, or ‘re-blogger’ involved in publicizing the leak.

NSA Deputy Director John C. Inglis went on to further describe FUKU’s operations:

“Remember spending three months checking your ex’s page every day? Checking out the profile of every guy posting to her? We do. What about that photo album Amii from accounting put up last year – ‘Carbs and the Caribbean’? You know the one? All pictures of her in bikinis or holding up plates of food? The one you look through for 20 minutes before bed? Skipping over the food shots, pausing on bikinis? You know that one? We do. So stop it. Stop it right now. We’re doing serious work here, kid. Oh, and cover your camera when you do that. Nobody wants to see that.”

The potential impact of FUKU in action has been weighed as “significant” by security scholar and university professor Torin Monah.

“Nothing discredits an intelligence leak more than linking it to sexual activity. Just ask Julian Assange. If you still remember who that is.”

When asked about the Snowden case, and whether the NSA had already retaliated, Inglis shook his head sadly and replied:

“We trusted that boy. Trusted him with our systems, our data. We appreciated his services, and for him take that trust, and that data, and to misuse it by sharing it with all these third parties is just beyond the pale. Much like those personal close-up snaps he sent a special lady a while back. Very sad.”

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • news humor and satire
  • news media
  • NSA
  • NSA Leaks
  • NSA Snooping
  • Satire
  • Spying on Americans
NewsLo

Previous Article
Foolish GOP Senator Backs Gay Marriage for No Personal Gain
  • Politics

Foolish GOP Senator Backs Gay Marriage for No Personal Gain

  • June 21, 2013
  • NewsLo
View Post
Next Article
#NoNeedToSatirize: McConnell: ā€˜Absurd’ to ban corporations from having same rights as ā€˜people’
  • NoNeedToSatirize

#NoNeedToSatirize: McConnell: ā€˜Absurd’ to ban corporations from having same rights as ā€˜people’

  • June 21, 2013
  • NewsLo
View Post
You May Also Like
best franchises to own
View Post
  • US

5 of the Most Lucrative & Best Franchises to Own in 2020

  • NewsLo
  • March 16, 2020
ted cruz religion refugees
View Post
  • Featured
  • Politics
  • US
  • US-Feature

Ted Cruz News: “Helping Texans Is Not Like Helping New Orleans, Hurricane Sandy Was Righteous”

  • NewsLo
  • August 28, 2017
rand paul news
View Post
  • Featured
  • US
  • US-Feature

Rand Paul: ā€œWe Don’t Care If Trump Is Found Guilty Of Cheating During Election, He Legally Has The Power To Pardon Himselfā€

  • NewsLo
  • July 25, 2017
ken ham tax
View Post
  • Featured
  • US
  • US-Feature

Ken Ham: ā€œGod Owns All Of Earth And Everything On It Anyway, So Why Should He Pay Tax To Himself? It’s Pointlessā€

  • NewsLo
  • July 23, 2017
Trump: ā€œPastor Robertson Is A White Humanity Lover And The Fact That He’s Not Allowed To Say That About Me Is A Violation Of Religious Rights Freedomā€
View Post
  • Featured
  • Religion
  • US
  • US-Feature

Trump: ā€œPastor Robertson Is A White Humanity Lover And The Fact That He’s Not Allowed To Say That About Me Is A Violation Of Religious Rights Freedomā€

  • NewsLo
  • July 14, 2017
Trump Compares Ivanka To Syrian Children: ā€œShe’s Also Suffered A Lot As My Daughter, Had To Move Between Countries All The Time Just Like Themā€
View Post
  • US
  • Latest Lies
  • Today's Headlines
  • US-Feature

Trump Compares Ivanka To Syrian Children: ā€œShe’s Also Suffered A Lot As My Daughter, Had To Move Between Countries All The Time Just Like Themā€

  • NewsLo
  • July 9, 2017
allan parker
View Post
  • Featured
  • US
  • US-Feature

Allan Parker: ā€œGod Intervened And Prevented Trump’s Mother From Having An Abortion So He Would Become President And Put A Stop To Itā€

  • NewsLo
  • July 8, 2017
C-SPAN Caller Calls To Outlaw Single Moms Because They Are ā€œTaking Us Back To Caveman Age When Men Just Bred Womenā€
View Post
  • Featured
  • Health
  • US
  • US-Feature

C-SPAN Caller Calls To Outlaw Single Moms Because They Are ā€œTaking Us Back To Caveman Age When Men Just Bred Womenā€

  • NewsLo
  • July 5, 2017
1 comment
  1. The Platzner Post says:
    August 3, 2015 at 12:22 am

    Great satire! šŸ™‚ Sharing on The Platzner Post Facebook https://t.co/udqcbjU270, and Twitter https://twitter.com/ThePlatznerPost.

    Log in to Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

NewsLo šŸ“Š
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy

Input your search keywords and press Enter.