NY Lottery Winner Terrorized By Little Smiling Men In Navy Blue Jackets

YONKERS, N.Y. –- Linda Harris of Yonkers, NY, has been stalked and terrorized by little smiling men in navy blue jackets after recently winning the New York State Lottery. Harris, 35, complains that the little men are such nuisances to her daily life that she almost wishes she had not won the $43 million prize.

“Well, of course I was happy I won, at first,” says Harris. “But then these little men just started showing up at random places, just smiling at me.” The little men follow her everywhere from her workplace to her favorite restaurant – even her bedroom. “I look out the window, there’s a little man outside floating by on a parachute, waving at me. I get into bed, thinking it’s my husband, and it’s one of the goddamn little men in my own bed.”

The New York State government has apologized to Harris for the intrusion, but claims it is powerless to stop the little men in the blue jackets, noting that Harris is far too lucky for them to simply leave her alone.

Nonetheless, for Harris the aggravation is too much to bear. In light of the constant little-man harassment, Harris believes she has no choice but to deliberately make herself unlucky. She plans to squander away the remainder of her winnings by buying several cars, driving them off the lot and then selling them back to the dealership at a 20 percent loss.

“Of course I want to keep my money, and be happy,” says Harris. “But what else can I do? If you could see these goddamn smiling little men, you would understand what I’m going through.”