NEW YORK – After agreeing with a strong majority on a proposal that would extend the right to vote to non-citizens, the New York City Council has turned immediately to the problem of representation for the city’s next largest new population – the cicadas.
“There has been a lot of buzz regarding our proposal to allow residents without citizenship to vote in local elections,” said Councilman Daniel Dromm. “Most of it, actually, came from the cicadas. It’s time their voices are heard.”
Mayor Bloomberg has publicly expressed his opposition to the “Voting by Non-Citizen Residents” legislation on the grounds that it is unconstitutional, despite the Council’s veto-proof, 34-vote majority. The Mayor has, however, stated that he supports enfranchisement for cicadas legally residing in New York.
“The cicada demographic is unique among insects in its emphasis on health and longevity,” Michael Bloomberg said, wreathed in a swarm of bugs. “They have no need for sugary drinks bigger than .002 ounces, they hate cigarettes, and,” he slapped an insect against his arm, examined it and flicked it aside, “they don’t mind swat and frisk.”
Councilwoman Gale Brewer also expressed support for cicada suffrage, explaining, “Since the life cycle only lasts 17 years, most cicadas are never old enough to be enfranchised. The system is rigged against them, and we don’t think that’s fair.”
From now on, if the Council’s proposal is made into law, non-citizens who meet all the other requirements for voting, have legally resided in New York for six months or longer, or are cicadas, will be able to register and vote in local elections. Upon hearing the news, the cicadas buzzed almost unanimously in approval, with only several buzzing in dissent.